What could have been - Damaging emotions
by WhimsyUsagi
Summary: Rukia's rescue plan failed and Renji got imprisoned for raising his sword against his captain. The noble gets Renji released into his custody after seven months but Renji now hates him and wants revenge.. including humiliating his captain. They both suffer and change after the loss of their sister and friend. (Extremely detailed M-plus scenes, lots of love & angst)
1. Loss, guilt and sake

**Summary****: ** Ichigo's plan to rescue Rukia has failed, and he got banished from Seireitei, never to return. Renji got sent to the hospital in critical condition before being imprisoned for seven months for attacking his captain, until Byakuya gets him released into his custody. Renji gets drunk and even with his captain whom he now hates for letting Rukia die. Lots of nosebleeds to be had, blood boiling and anger issues to go through by the end of each chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story, they belong to Noriaki Kubo. I have just used the characters for my own twisted imagination and storyline. I only own the plot.. Well, I hope you'll like it ^^

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**Words that you may meet along and you might not know what they mean** _(they will only be used in a few places, not all over; Sometimes the english versions fit the dialogue and descriptions better)_**:**

**Reiatsu **- Spirit particles (energy that Soul Society and human spirits are made of)

**Taichou** - Captain

**Aa** - Yeah

**Rukongai** - the village outside of Soul Society

**Zanpakutou **- Reiatsu infused swords belonging to those in the thirteen squads of Seireitei

**Kenseikan** - long, silver hair bobbins pieces (intricate silver nobility heirloom that rests on Byakuya's hair in this case)

**Seireitei** - Soul Society - the home of the thirteen squads

**Shinigami** - Death-gods - Guiding spirits for the afterlife, warriors and destroyers of hollows

**Hollows** - Spirits that have evolved into monsters due to grudges or unfulfilled desires

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**STORY TYPE:**

**Yaoi/Gay relationships** - Very detailed - do not read if you're anti-gay or whatever, your loss, don't shove complaints down my throat; You have been warned.

**Drama** - Rukia has died (or has she?.. read to find out!). Her rescue plan in the Ryoka Invasion arc has failed . Renji has been sent to the hospital in critical condition and Ichigo has been banished, to stay the human world only as a substitute and never to return. Guilt and blame rule the hearts and minds of many.

**Humor** - A few moments and scenes to cool things down.

**Angst** - There will be plenty. Again, you've been warned.

**Sexual content** - There will be an exaggerated amount of detailed scenes, just to soothe my heart and soul. I am a hentai like that, so if you also are, this will be for you too. Now, _this_ is the most supreme warning. Do not blame me for tainting your pure little sparkly eyes *ruffles your hair* I will merely hand you a tissue should you nosebleed. I will keep my guilt-free mind-frame, thank you very much.

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Character descriptions:

**Kuchiki Byakuya** - Captain of 6th Division in the Gotei 13. Long, black hair, tall, slate grey eyes. Wears intricate hair clips called kenseikan (three on the top of his head and two on his right side above his ear) to show his noble heritage. He always wear white hand-guards - tekkou - on the back of his hands, a standard captain uniform with a white haori and until recently, he wore a long, white heirloom scarf that was worth the price of at least eight estates in Seireitei. Graceful, polite, respected, feared and seemingly cold towards everyone. He always looks calm and serious, never to show his expressions unless it is a very special case.. like getting utterly annoyed. His sword transforms into a thousand pink Sakura petals that are sharper than a normal sword, at his will to manipulate against his enemies, and as fast as he wants.

**Abarai Renji** - Lieutenant of 6th Division in the Gotei 13, second-in-command to Kuchiki Byakuya. Redhead (hair like dark fire), tall, brown eyes with a red tinge; His long hair is usually tied in a high, spiky ponytail or - more rarely - loose on his shoulders, almost reaching his waist when untied. Tanned, well-trained body full of tribal tattoos, given to him by his zanpakutou for his achievements (at least in my story). Rude and fiery, sometimes hyper, always slightly irresponsible, hot-headed and battle-type hungry. He's only polite when he's in front of his captain whom he admires the most, Kuchiki Byakuya.. although not in this case. His sword becomes a very large almost mechanical, bone-looking snake that shoots reiatsu from its mouth and can disassemble into many pieces while still under Renji's control. He wears a maroon bandanna over the tattoos on his forehead.

**Soundtrack suggested:** Foxes - Youth (Adventure Club Remix) - I wrote it with this soundtrack, the mood of the song is what made me start and write this story.. I highly suggest playing it in the background~

Enjoy reading~! ^^

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Chapter 1

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Steady steps resounded through the empty cell block. They stopped in front of the third room, the only one occupied on the floor. Grey eyes looked down to the western side of the cell, where a curled body rested tightly against the wall, like a ragged doll broken and forgotten by its master. Straight, bloody lines spread across a young man's battered back, all easily visible since the only clothes worn were a pair of dark red rugged pants.

The dark-haired person noticed the still raw whipped marks on the beautiful bronze skin. He had, after all, went against his master and the law of its city, much like a slave who had no right to an opinion. At least, that's how the noble imagined his subordinate now felt. The corners of his lips turned even lower, and he cast his ashen eyes to the floor, where a former meal set now spread, making a mess on the otherwise clean tiles. Dark, tired eyes glimmered with sympathy towards his subordinate.

"Abarai," a cool, calm voice called for him.

It was easy for them to come and speak from the other side of bars, Abarai Renji thought. Cowards, the lot of them. Afraid to save one of their own for such a simple matter like sharing reiatsu.

Sentence: Death. That's what they'd said and confined his best friend in the tower of Penance. How easily they had decided, keeping to their perfect rules.

"Why are you here?" the redhead asked, disgust resonating like spiteful venom in his voice.

The noble didn't answer. He had time to think about the actions he wished to take about his second-in-command, but he stood unsure of acting upon them. He kept quiet, and allowed to be despised - he could read it in the young man's hoarse voice. It made no difference in his eyes. He blamed himself just as much as Renji did.

Renji stood there, glued to the wall. The left shoulder shivered from the cold wall he leaned heavily on. He kept his back to the bars where his captain stood. He didn't see his face, nor did he want to. The man was a coward who couldn't and wouldn't even save his own sister. Yet, he still stood there, facing Renji like nothing was wrong. But something was.

"You let her die." Renji finally cut off the silence in the room. The man behind him couldn't deny it. It was partly his fault. Had he helped the intruders from the human realm and Renji save his sister, they wouldn't be here drowning in regret and pain.

"I did." He couldn't deny. He was at fault. There was nothing he could do about it now. But he cared for his sister, he whispered in the confined space of his torn mind. He couldn't blame Renji for considering him the guiltiest of the people who'd stood by and watched the girl dissipate into tiny particles.

"You stood there and watched as your sister's soul got pierced and turned into nothing, like she had never existed." The redhead muttered more to himself as he wrapped his fisted arms across his ill stomach. He raised his head and slowly hit his left temple against the ice-cold prison, holding back the screams perched in his throat.

"I regret it more than anything.. but I had responsibilities as the clan head of the Kuchiki family. Rukia understood that. On the last day, I received her forgiveness.. but it broke my heart that I couldn't save her."

"_Hahah_.. She forgave you.. Of course she would." Renji's bitter laugh filled the room as it came out from cold, tired lungs. "She was pure. Innocent. A white, untainted flower, as pure as snow.. She would forgive her own killer as he ripped her heart out and looked her straight in the eyes. Of course she would forgive _you_, her _brother_. But you won't get my forgiveness."

"Renji-," Byakuya started to speak, unsure of what to say, but he bit his words before they escaped his lips, Renji's voice raising in the empty halls.

"Abarai." Renji corrected him briskly. He wanted nothing less than to reconnect with the captain by allowing his name to be used so casually. The name Rukia had called him would never be allowed to fall from between those betraying lips. Not ever again, Renji decided.

The captain stared down at his lieutenant's shoulder plates, laid downwards so dejectedly. The man hadn't turned to look at him once. He simply laid there, his bare arms resting against the wall, red, velvety hair falling over his shoulders. Abarai Renji refused to look at the disgustingly calm face of one of the most beautiful men in Seireitei - his captain.

"Respectfully, go buy yourself a fucking ticket to hell, _taichou_.. Maybe _then_ you will deserve forgiveness."

The noble grit his teeth tight as he observed his subordinate a few more moments. He couldn't deny what he felt inside himself. He had failed to protect and he had become unworthy of forgiveness. So, punishing himself, Kuchiki Byakuya walked away to think of his next steps.

- }-{ -

"You have visited your lieutenant, as requested. What is your conclusion, Kuchiki-taichou?" Unohana, the captain of the Healing division asked, from among the other captains. They stood lined up in two rows, facing each-other, in front of their Commander, Yamamoto Genryuusai. They all looked to the noble, waiting for an answer, observing to see if the man would show any sign of his real feelings about his second-in-command. After all, they had been summoned to meet because of the failed rescue attempt of his adopted sister, Kuchiki Rukia.

Kuchiki Byakuya, the captain of the Sixth Squad of Soul Society, took a step forward, distinguishing himself from the others as the matter was inquired of him.

"I would like to ask and take full responsibility for the release of my subordinate into my custody. I feel that he has already been dealt enough punishment, and is still tormenting himself about breaking the rules and the loss of his friend." Many mouths opened, shocked at the request made.

"Yeah, the man is tormenting himself over failing, not over breaking the rules. Does he really deserve release so soon? It has only been seven months in seclusion. He should be whipped and tortured more for his blatant disobedience!" Captain Kurotsuchi Mayuri shouted, throwing visual daggers at the man asking for his subordinate's pardon. "It's unheard of. The man has no regret about what he's done!"

Understanding captains and their vice-captains looked between the revolted captain of Squad Twelve and the Kuchiki noble.

"You might realize that Renji-san hates Kuchiki-dono the most right now," captain Kyouraku Shunsui stepped forward and looked at the captain commander, Yamamoto, his former teacher. "To be placed in close custody of Kuchiki-dono, it would be torture in itself, seeing as how Renji-san blames him for the death of Rukia Kuchiki. I think he should be released."

"I second that." the healing captain, Unohana, spoke confidently. "If there's a way to return Abarai to his senses and be allowed reinstatement in his position, the man has to forgive the one person he considers to be guilty of betrayal. Of course, this would not be easy. It would be punishing enough. The road would be long and hard. I fully support this motion." She repeated.

"Aaah, hell! It would be a shame to lose someone so good. Maybe he can beat some shit into the Ice-Princess over there," Zaraki Kenpachi spoke for his former squad member, Abarai Renji, "and then he'll feel better and back to his old self. If the plan fails, I can always get him sent back to my division. I don't want him caged like the Rukongai dog that he is. He's a good fighter, he has a good thirst for blood. I support the motion." Kenpachi smirked smugly. Kuchiki Byakuya twitched at the nickname the brute had given him, but he accepted the support nonetheless.

Many of the captains stood surprised at Kenpachi supporting the release, but it was in his sadistic nature to protect a good fighter. Good fighters trained and improved. They were good to shed their blood on his blade later on, when he felt like fighting someone strong. There were no 'if's, merely 'when'. He smirked at the thought. The others sneered and sighed at the lustful, masochistic expression on the beast's face, knowing full well of his real intentions. The man revelled in his power, standing tall and proud of his cravings for blood.

"I strongly support the motion. Abarai-san needs a fighting chance." the white-haired captain, Ukitake Jyuushiro spoke from his place near Kyoraku Shunsui, his best friend. He had been one of the ones trying to save Rukia, but as he was a captain, he stood unaffected by imprisonment. With a sickly body, the man wouldn't have lasted long anyway, had he been where Renji now stood caged. He was grateful to the redhead for trying to do something he wanted to do himself.

"I'm not saying I condone his actions, but Abarai is an honorable Shinigami despite his unfortunate actions against his captain. I support his release." captain Komamura Sajin also stepped forward, as a man with a strong sense of justice. He was soon followed by other captains.

"This is ridiculous! Have you all grown mad?!" Kurotsuchi yelled. Displeased, he left the room in a hurry. The commander sighed. He allowed the rebelling captain of the Science squad to leave the meeting.

"Twelve to one. The votes for Abarai are enough to call for his release." The old man announced, then looked to the quiet noble awaiting an official answer.

"Abarai Renji will be released into Kuchiki Byakuya's custody. Captain Kuchiki, you should not let the man out of your sight. He must be in your presence at all times. Should something happen, you are the sole responsible and will be reprimanded harshly."

"I understand, captain-commander. Thank you," the noble bowed shortly and kept his eyes to the floor. Was it foolish for him to try to fix his subordinate after he'd wronged him so? Not once, but twice. He remembered the pained expression on the boy's face when the noble had first taken Rukia from Renji's protection and adopted her into his family, without notice, more than forty years ago. Then he'd abandoned her and let her get killed. It all seemed pointless now, Ichigo banned from Soul Society and barely given the right to act as shinigami in his home town, never to enter Seireitei again. After all, Rukia giving him a part of her strength had been the reason she was on the execution hill, and that had led to her death. As brief as a friend Ichigo had been to Renji, Byakuya thought he took even that away from him. What else had he taken, that he wasn't aware? His humanity or even his soul? He wondered, a stern, sour look upon his face as he kept his eyes on the used floor in the captain's meeting room. He looked up when he heard the captain-commander speak again, rousing him from damaging thoughts.

"Captain Unohana, please lead Kuchiki to the release of his subordinate. Everyone else, dismissed." Yamamoto waved his hand in the air, controlling all the fire in the lanterns and making them all flicker out at once. The meeting room now stood immersed in a cold, early morning light, coming through the tall windows on the captain's commander eastern side. A stronger light only came from the inner hallway as everyone walked out through the southern door.

The healer walked ahead from the noble. They left first, abandoning all other discussions.

- }-{ -

"I will not go."

"Abarai-san, the order has been given. You are to be released in your captain's custody until you return to your old self and, once again, assume your earned place in the Sixth squad led by Kuchiki Byakuya. We can't and will not hold you in prison after such orders have been given." Captain Unohana Retsu explained the best she could to the young man. She smiled sadly towards the hurt person before her. It would take a long time to recover, she was sure of it. She could heal his body and tend to him when he got punished or hurt, but the mind.. she couldn't heal it. That was something the man had to do himself, by facing the present and the future.

Renji stared dumb-founded towards the healer, anger hidden in his clutched hands. Unfortunately, it wasn't her who he wanted to shout at and disrespect. Apparently, though, he would have the chance to do that with the right person, unable to escape his tormenting and disgusting presence. He wasn't even allowed transfer, and had to endure obeying the man he hated.

So, he reluctantly raised his arms, knowing he stood unable to disregard orders once more. The second-in-command from Unohana's unit, Kotetsu Isane, walked to him and injected the hated key in the large spirit-supressing cuffs.

"Please.. do not do something foolish, Renji. Your friends all miss you and await your return." Isane whispered, a friend to her fellow lieutenant. "If you're thinking of doing something stupid later, please remember the friends who care for you and would be sad for you to be even longer - or permanently, from their side." With a whispering voice, the young blonde pleaded with her fellow lieutenant and friend.

Renji stood defeated, looking over to her and her female captain. He tried to nod softly, indicating he would try.

"Now, please turn so I can check your wounds. The captain has requested I not heal them, as punishment for your crimes, but we do not want you to get sick either. I believe you're being punished enough."

"Thank you, captain Unohana." Renji respectfully bowed and allowed the two to check the latest whipping marks. He closed his eyes at the stinging touches across his battered skin and winced in pain as his wounds closed slightly.

- }-{ -

"Kuchiki-sama, Abarai Renji is now being brought down. Please, one more signature here, and we will be finished." The young guard requested, shoving one more paper in the noble's face. Stealing glances towards the inner hallway, Byakuya stood breathless and worried at how he would deal with his almost former subordinate. The captain signed and turned his back to the guard, who left his side to open the door through which the prisoner was coming.

Captain Unohana turned around the corner. Isane and Renji followed in her steps, silently. Renji's face stood covered by loose, over-grown, messy hair. He looked down, avoiding his captain's eyes. He didn't want to see the man. Lord knows the noble had the power to rebel and save his own sister, yet he'd done nothing for the saké of his honor and pride as clan head.

"Abarai Renji, you are hereby released into Kuchiki Byakuya's custody. Should you do anything illegal again, the court of captains will not give you another chance. You would be sentenced to fifty years of imprisonment for disobedience." Unohana related in her calm voice, eyes focused on the red-haired lieutenant. "I sincerely hope I will not see you here again," she whispered after she'd finished her official mentions.

"Kuchiki-taichou, please place the spirit-supressing necklace on your lieutenant. Afterwards, you are free to go."

Byakuya turned and took the thin, grey silver necklace from Isane's hands. The captain and her own lieutenant observed the redhead's reaction, looking and hoping for the man to stand still and obey his new custodian. Luckily, Renji turned his head and allowed his betrayer to chain him with the softest and lightest of cuffs around his neck. The black spirit tattoos on Renji's body – the ones he'd gotten from his zanpakutou achievements, from forehead to shoulders, arms and waist- all lit up slightly around the edges, a purple tinged glow indicating that the spell of the cuff was activated. Three seconds later, the light disappeared.

"One more piece of information that should be useful to you, captain Kuchiki. Should one of you step too far away from the other, more than two hundred meters, your lieutenant would become unconscious from an inner shock of Kido spells. It would land him in the hospital immediately, in critical condition." Byakuya nodded as the respected female captain offered the information. He took it in and held silence, only barely nodding his head in response. He thanked her and walked away. The redhead looked away from his back, but followed in his trail.

Humiliated and powerless without his zanpakutou, Abarai Renji had been caged again. He couldn't wait until he'd be free from Byakuya's custody, to be able to transfer back in the Eleventh division. It didn't matter how long it took to regain his freedom and earn his transfer. Renji already regretted the moments he would be forced to endure the man's presence until then, but he would do it just so one day, to be strong enough and really, definitely shatter his _captain_, humiliating him in defeat and taking his life. The man would be sorry to have stood aside and let Rukia die, Renji muttered to himself in the privacy of his anguish-filled mind.

- }-{ -

"Take anything you might need. You won't be returning here often." Kuchiki Byakuya spoke sternly, in his usual seemingly impassive voice. Renji opened the door to his lieutenant-standard, one-bedroom apartment. The captain followed him inside when Renji hurried to leave his side. Renji almost ran towards the cabinets near the sliding doors leading to the inner garden of the lieutenants area.

Byakuya remained near the entrance. He glanced over to his lieutenant and saw him holding a frame. The redhead's eyes started dripping while quiet sobs betrayed his sadness, gripping the small frame to his chest. Brown eyes with a small tinge of fiery red in them, looked up towards the other frames on the cabinet. His long arms despairingly pulled the other frames to his tight embrace.

Byakuya had visited the redhead's apartment when the young man had lain in the Fourth division, healing after the beating he had given him on the way to rescue Rukia. He had stopped him only by putting him in the hospital, in critical condition. Many reiatsu swords, copies from Senbonzakura - Byakuya's zanpakutou - had torn at the lieutenant's body, leaving him to barely cling to life by the end. While Renji laid in the hospital, Byakuya had visited the man's apartment and stared at the same photos that Renji now desperately held.

After long, long moments, Renji found himself picking up an old camping backpack – from his mission days, and filled it with all the frames he had, along with as many clothes as he had. Most of them were the normal shinigami outfit that he usually wore, in black. All black. Fitting for mourning, he thought. Adding a few more things to fill the ragged thing, he tightened the thin noose and swung it around his shoulder.

"We're leaving, Abarai." Kuchiki noted out-loud, assuming Renji had finished with his packing. The caged lieutenant didn't respond. He fully ignored the man and turned to leave, rushing out the door without even a glance towards him.

Many shocked heads turned to look at the redhead and his custodian, as they walked to the estate in silence. Renji felt like taking the risk and using shunpo just to get away from his captain faster, but he remembered the warnings about the kido spells embedded in his necklace should they separate too much. Sighing, he looked around the unchanged town and walked on. He disregarded the hushing whispers on the sides of the long road ahead.

- }-{ -

"Welcome home, Kuchiki-sama," an older servant greeted as they entered through the door. She bowed respectfully to her master, then to his guest. "Abarai-san,"

The woman had seen him around before, visiting the master's sister. She had always served them treats while the two spent time together. With saddened eyes, she glanced at him to make sure he looked well. The redhead gave her a weak smile, remembering her warm words when talking to Rukia and him.

"It's good to see you, Masaki-san," Renji bowed his head slightly, still holding his backpack tightly on his right shoulder.

"Masaki-san, prepare the room across mine for Abarai. He will be staying for a while. Please announce Takeo-san to cook for two from now on, and Abarai does not like spicy food," Byakuya ordered calmly as he unwrapped the white tekkou from the back of his left hand.

Renji ignored him and changed into the blue slippers near the entrance, abandoning his old sandals. He followed Masaki without waiting to see what his captain planned to do, nor in which direction he would want to go. He didn't care.. The noble walked slowly behind them, working on removing his second tekkou as he went. He allowed Renji to go ahead, not wanting to create more friction than necessary. He had completed his goal: helping Renji escape the awful prison. He respected the young man for his sense of loyalty to Rukia, and the fight he'd undergone to see to her freedom. Yes, despite all the harsh words that Renji spouted at him – and to which Byakuya didn't disagree, he wanted the best for the man. If for Rukia it was too late, for him it wasn't, he thought as he looked at the tall, young man in front of him.

The older man stopped in the hallway, right in the middle between their rooms. A meter to his left stood Renji's new quarters, and a meter to his right side was the entrance to his own room. Gazing tiredly after Renji and Masaki, he noticed the redhead had lightened up just slightly at the sight of the old woman. He had seen them talk before, many times, when Rukia lived at the estate.. before the dreadful act happened. It brought a shred of comfort in his chest.

He turned his back and entered his room when he saw Masaki show Renji his closets and cabinets. The old woman took new bed-wear and changed it all, despite the previous one not having been used in a long time.

Byakuya could hear their voices, seeming as whispers in the background. He closed the door to his own room, entering into his marble-tiled bathroom to change. He had woken up at four in the morning, to see to the meeting and make sure of what he wanted to do about his stubborn subordinate. After changing into his blue yukata, Byakuya allowed himself to rest on his bed. He tuned out the talking in the other room soon enough.

- }-{ -

Renji watched the door close behind Masaki-san. He sighed, relieved that he could finally be himself. He liked the woman, and she made him smile, but the woman reminded him of the time spent with Rukia. Not that he minded so much, but it still tore at his insides, every time he remembered the loss of his childhood friend.

Turning towards the covered window, Renji drew the dark, red curtains and looked outside towards the garden surrounding the traditional two-stories mansion. Their rooms were on the second floor, allowing them to see over the beautiful greenery mingled with splashes of color.

It was seemed meaningless for Renji. Not after you let your friend die. Not when you lost the only battle that could've helped Ichigo advance towards Rukia faster. Not when you don't get second chances. Renji pulled the curtains closed again, losing his temper as tears threatened to escape his heavy eye-lids again.

He felt tired.

Whipped weekly for seven months.. That meant twenty-eight rounds of hours of whipping. He had felt he deserved it though. Every single hit. For failing, he felt he deserved to hurt more. He was the one still alive, he was the one getting another chance. It should be Rukia, he thought, rubbing at his offending eyes as they dripped, betraying him again.

He was thankful that his friends were not in the same spot as he had been for seven months. Apparently, Zaraki had instructed Yumichika and Ikkaku to help him find Ichigo, and acting under his orders, it didn't matter that they fought some of their own. They weren't held liable and Kenpachi didn't care for orders and he was a captain so he wasn't to be held reliable either. Those fallen under Aizen's manipulations had also been forgiven as they were not in their normal mind-frames.. but Renji had been fully aware of the actions taking against his captain.

Renji had dared to raise his sword in a fight to the death. A first level offense. He was thankful that others didn't know how it all felt, not so much the prison but the shame.

Wiping his sleeves across his eyes, Renji willed himself to stop shredding his soul into tiny, sparkly specks running down his face. When he did, he grabbed his backpack from the lonely chair near the desk in front of the king-sized bed, and threw it over the bed. Slowly, the clothes and items were laid out on the green quilt. He pushed them all aside and carefully arranged his photo frames on the bedside tables.

He thanked whatever merciful gods willed it so his room was in a different wing than the one he used to visit Rukia at, in the opposite side of the house. He had plenty of torment and memories replayed over and over in his mind already. It was enough.

The redhead felt resolved in making Kuchiki Byakuya's hell while he would be forced to stand by his side.

He took out his white night-time yukata. Beautiful pink flowers spread on the thin cloth, around the lower edges. He tied the usual grey sash around his waist.

Despite laying on the comfortable, large bed, sleep didn't easily take him over. Memories did. Again. They played like movies, of all the times in Rukongai after his group and Rukia met, of all the fun times in the Academy, of all the times he'd visited her in the forty years since she'd been adopted in the Kuchiki family, while he had trained in the Eleventh Squad under Zaraki Kenpachi as captain, and Ikkaku as a secret teacher. How he wished time turned back. Perhaps, had he stayed in the Eleventh squad, he wouldn't so casually have agreed to join a captain in arresting his friend. He knew he hadn't believed the charges were true, but when they had shown so, and he had to arrest Rukia.. his heart had started creaking silently, right there under his breast. He had hoped, hoped that his captain would not let her die for such a stupid reason as saving a human.. and he had gone along, hoping for the best.. He knew that had he believed Ichigo's warnings and hurried to help him with the rescue, and controlled his bankai sooner and better.. Rukia would still be alive.

So, the person Renji blamed, most of all, was himself. And he blamed Kuchiki, the man who stood by and smugly denied that law had flaws, and claimed that the execution was justifiable, all until the moment Aizen had been revealed as a traitor and killed Rukia. Renji had heard Byakuya had finally tried to save his sister, but the damage from Kurosaki himself had been too grave.. perhaps even from Renji slightly.. Too little, too late.. Renji knew. The guiltiest person was himself. So, he had accepted those whips like honey, wishing they would erase all his guilt, and pain, and sorrow.. but they hadn't.

Renji juggled his thoughts between wishing he'd defeated his captain so that Ichigo could've really saved Rukia, or not wasting Byakuya's strength enough, making it so he could've eventually changed his mind and saved her after finding out the truth.. However, the reality came down harsh between wishful thoughts. Renji knew he had only made things worse. His pride had led him astray. He had proudly believed he was strong enough and brought on her death by challenging Byakuya, the following events being hindered by his actions.. but no, he wasn't the only guilt one. He knew it. He knew Byakuya could've done much more had he dared to disregard his social status and forgotten about being a good example for his clan, for just one mere day.. for _one_ fucking day, Renji thought.. but no, Byakuya had to accept his sister's death and claim law was perfect.. _'Where the fuck is righteousness in the death of a person you care for, you fucking asshole?_ He half-turned his head, facing the pillow as he cursed in the confined space of his indecisive thoughts.

Renji turned around completely, placing his left cheek in the white pillow. He looked towards the covered window. Sunny skies and beautiful roses would not seem the same again, not when you've wronged and been wronged so much. Renji shifted his face down and felt like howling. Oh, how he missed his howling zanpakutou.. to destroy anything and everything in its path.. himself and Byakuya Kuchiki together.. but, for now, he had to teach his captain a lesson in pain.

- }-{ -

"Abarai?" the captain's voice called out through the door, late in the evening.

Renji had finally fallen asleep after Masaki-san had served him some warm food at lunch. He hadn't realized how hungry he had been, refusing the meals at the tower. He had gotten used to it.

The noble dared to open the door to check on Renji. The image he saw was that of a tired redhead sleeping on the tall, king-sized bed. Renji's wide frame took almost a third of the bed's width, hands curled at his side, unconsciously seeking warmth. Taking a few silent steps towards the bed, he called again, more softly. Noticing dark circles around his subordinate's eyes, he decided to let him get some more rest. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over to the other end, pulling a nicely tucked blanket over Renji, starting with his feet, covering him slowly to his shoulders. It seemed strange seeing the young fiery man so still, Byakuya noted in his mind.

Turning to face the door again, Byakuya stood, unaware that Renji's eyes half-opened sleepily and followed him as he walked out. The redhead's eyes moved their focus to the blanket now covering his body. He indulged in the heat it provided and tired eyes closed again, under heavy guilt and shame.

"Masaki-san, please let our guests know that they can stay over-night if they want to. They are all invited to dinner as well. They can spend time with Renji tomorrow or later tonight if he should wake. He is too tired now, we shouldn't wake him." Byakuya explained outside the door, his hand still on the knob as he shut it softly.

"Yes, sir. I will prepare rooms for them should they decide to stay." The woman bowed shortly and disappeared around the corner.

The noble walked back to his room and sat at his desk. He worked on the stacks of paperwork gathered and brought from his squad the day before. The other seated members had to keep an eye on recruits training for the week.

Sighing slightly, he plucked the feather from the ink bottle and started layering small, curving lines on his papers.

- }-{ -

"Thank you for inviting us over, Kuchiki-taichou," a woman's voice interrupted his thoughts as they all poked silently at their food. He glanced up. The wavy-haired redhead smiled at him.

"Yes, captain, we appreciate it. We've all missed Abarai," Hisagi Shuuhei seconded from the side of the voluptuous woman. Across Matsumoto and Shuuhei, stood Ikkaku, Yumichika, Kira Izuru and Momo Hinamori. They had all been friends since their academy days or from Renji's time in the Eleventh squad.

"You are welcome to come see him whenever you wish. I apologize for not waking him at your arrival, he seemed like he needed to rest," The noble answered calmly, laid his chopsticks on his plate and picked up the tea-cup instead. Indulging in the forest fruits aroma, he shut his eyes and took a sip after his lungs filled with flavorful steam. "You can see him later or in the morning,"

"It's alright, captain. We understand. Renji-san must be tired." Hinamori nodded as she spoke, a small smile on her lips. They didn't hold it against Byakuya for everything that happened, especially when most of them had been there when he had tried to save his sister from Aizen's and Gin's swords.

"Captain, if I may ask, will you both be returning to active duty soon?" Kira Izuru dared to ask, more curious about Renji. He knew seeing more familiar grounds would do him some good. Shuuhei looked to the captain like he'd been wondering the same. Everyone had, but few had dared to ask.

"Hopefully soon, yes." the older noble answered unsure. He had – more or less – withdrawn to his home in the last half a year, while Renji had been imprisoned. Not to say that he had neglected his orders, since he always fulfilled them perfectly, but he had given more free charge to his first ten seated members. At least they handled recruit training well, as well as human world missions to disperse hollows when he sent them.

"I can't wait to see Renji~" Matsumoto sang in her lovely voice, looking excited at her friend's release.

"Your wish is my command, gorgeous," a known voice spoke from the base of the staircase. The red pineaple-looking head peaked around the corner, looking into the living-room.

Everyone's eyes lit up. The sound of moving chairs and clanking tableware filled the room.

Byakuya didn't turn to look. He placed his tea down on the table and stood up, leaving quietly through the door on the eastern side of the room. Renji's eyes shortly glanced to him and then back to his friends.

Many excited voices called for Renji as they all surrounded him. Ikkaku slammed his large hands on the man's tired shoulders, getting a dull wince in return. Matsumoto jumped and wrapped her arms around his neck. Shuuhei nodded his greeting and poked Renji's forehead, saying he was glad to see him again. Hinamori and Kira smiled and asked him how he was, while Yumichika admired the beautiful red hair that hadn't lost its shine even after months of imprisonment, and the new pretty necklace. Renji didn't mention the power of the mentioned little thing caging him like a bird in a lion's mouth. Instead, he said it was a new fashion accessory much like the old goggles he used to always buy and wear on his forehead. Yumichika hummed in wonder while examining the pretty thing.

They all pulled Renji inside the living-room to the table so they could eat, drink and talk to him. Masaki served them warm saké of the finest quality, at Byakuya's silent command before he slipped out on the ground floor porch.

- }-{ -

The noble listened to the pleasant commotion in the house as he stood there, silently staring into the autumn evening sky. The sight and sound of a happy, vibrant Renji had seemed so far from possible until today. Perhaps Renji just didn't want him to see it anymore. For good reason, no less, Byakuya thought.. but he realized he had missed his vibrant closeness at work and at home. He also missed the feelings Rukia had unintentionally gotten him used to, those that could only come from a friendly family member - so unlike what his clan members offered.

Dressed in depression webs once more, he used shunpo to reach the porch above him, and he entered his room. The noise faded in the background as he went and sat at his desk, arranging papers and starting to work on them where he had earlier left off. He thanked the heavens for allowing him the smallest of distractions. Oh, how he regretted not seeing Rukia as the breath of fresh air that she was.. and Renji.. he had broken Renji. He had broken the vibrant spirit of two people by simply.. what? Following rules? Being a good example? Even Rukia's captain had tried to save her, fighting against the captain commander, his teacher no less. But _he_ hadn't. He'd stood by until it was revealed that Aizen had tricked everyone and they had tried to kill Rukia. Should he have brought Renji with him to save Rukia, perhaps both of them had been able to save her.

...

_"Nii-sama...!" Rukia yelled for him with glimmering hope and despair filling her eyes all at once._

_"Gin, Aizen, what is the meaning of this?" he calmly asked as he stopped the first sword swinging towards his sister, sheltering her behind his broad back. Rukia's wide eyes stared up, frightened, as she held onto his white haori. He hadn't realized it until his back felt heavy. Not wanting for her to be scared, he glanced back to check on her state when Gin jumped away, distancing from them. Byakuya's eyes widened in shock and fearful realization. His body acted faster than his mind, lithe, pale arms wrapping around the young teenager in his embrace. He saw Aizen withdrawing his bloody sword from behind them before his eyes looked down to Rukia, her shocked eyes focusing on her brother's face. It had all happened in less than a breath's time. _

_Rukia's sad eyes half-closed and she fell deeper into his arms, a large sword's tip exiting her chest completely. Wordlessly, Byakuya held her small body and felt her slip away helplessly. His tears broke free from the shelter of his eyes, for the second time losing someone he cared about. Just when he'd realized that he had to do something, it all came into nothing.  
_

_"Nii-sama.. Please.. take care of Renji.. he was like a brother.. to.. me.. Forgive him for anything stupid he might do.. please.. He gets lost.. easily.. haah.." the girl whispered pleadingly between heavy breaths, her body already starting to break. Red drops of blood painted his hands as he caressed across her chin with his thumb. Oh, how he wished he could take her place. He had been such a fool, he realized as small, thin fingers ghosted over his cheek, erasing traces of obvious sorrow. _

_Where the hell was captain Unohana? He cursed in the background of his mind. Ah, yes.. she was taking care of Renji's critical injuries.. If he hadn't occupied Unohana with Renji, maybe Rukia would still be alive.. He was guilty, the sole guilty one of her death. Realization spread on his shattered eyes, cursing at all of it. Either a peaceful execution or a painful sword through her tiny chest.. he knew it. He was to blame for either. He couldn't move himself to act soon enough. Not like Renji had._

_"Do not.. look sad... you have been a good brother to me.. Thank.. y-you.." Small twin lungs flooded with blood, causing the young raven-haired shinigami to cough out more red liquid, whispering words barely escaping her rosy lips._

_He had come to supervise her execution, with a heavy, heavy heart, but instead of a merciful and fast dissipation of particles, he had to watch her fade away in flames burning her very energy, killed by a traitor's zanpakutou. In the end, he didn't save her.. he couldn't even offer her a merciful and peaceful death. Her sad eyes closed slowly, the petite hand falling on the ground.  
_

_As he cradled her in his arms until the remaining of her upper body had been plucked from his tight hold by another traitor once called his friend - Yoruichi Shihōin, he lost himself in silence._

_It was all meaningless. _

_If you had such power and couldn't use it to protect your own.. was it really true justice?_

_That was the day the captain forgot who he was. In the very least, he knew who he couldn't be anymore. He couldn't be the one who didn't care, the shining example at the cost of everything else.  
_

_..._

"Byakuya-sama?" Masaki interrupted him from his thoughts, memory replaying itself for the thousandth time. He glanced towards the door.

"Should I bring you something to eat in your quarters? You haven't touched your food much.. again." The caring woman asked, worry reading itself easily in the soft voice. She had taken care of him since he'd been a young, vibrant child. How it hurt to see him change so.

"No, thank you. I wish not to be disturbed by the rest of the night. You are all free to go." Byakuya replied calmly.

"Very well. Good night, sir." With sad eyes and a silent sigh, she bowed her head and left to the servants cottages on the outer edges of the estate.

Byakuya felt like everything was disappearing in the background. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted for at least one person to come out safely from all of it. He wanted Renji to be the one.. so despite being cursed, hated and despised, he stood determined to make anything happen for at least one of them to get a part of themselves back.

Quietly, he walked into Renji's room and placed the priceless white scarf heirloom on the bed. The redhead had won it by fighting him as strongly as he had. Unohana had found it on Renji's barely breathing body when she'd come upon them and started healing his subordinate. She had returned the scarf to him, temporarily, until he could give it to Abarai again. Not until later, had he realized how much the redhead deserved it, struggling so harshly for the sake of his friend. The captain wished Renji had torn it from his dead body, deserving it even more had he gotten further to rescue her. Perhaps Renji wouldn't have taken his eyes from the girl for that traitorous second, he couldn't help but imagine.

- }-{ -

Despite having prepared beds for them, the noisy guests and recently released prisoner had all fallen asleep drunk in the middle of the Kuchiki living-room. The estate hadn't been so unclean and lacking order since it had been built. The noise had resonated in the entire building, laughter and crying as the result of happy and sad memories shared out-loud. They had – more or less – celebrated the release of a friend, and the loss of another. Though they had done it when Rukia died, they now provided the same support for Renji to be able to mourn properly. They reluctantly headed back to their squads in the evening of the next day.

Masaki-san engaged the help of several other young servants to clean, and the house became spotless again in just a few hours.

- }-{ -

Renji clumsily climbed the stairs to his room about dinner time, with a full saké bottle in his hand, hoping to manage and properly get drunk by nightfall. Ungrateful to his own alcohol tolerance, he wished he could get drunk like others did, into oblivion. Unfortunately, it didn't work like that. The three bottles of saké he'd had merely brought a decent buzz against his invading thoughts.

Imagine Renji's drunken surprise when he saw a bloody white scarf neatly tucked on his bed. He didn't care that the fucking scarf was worth eight, ten or a hundred estates in Seireitei. All he saw in it was the failure of his battle. Even though his captain had given it to him as a reward for trying to surpass him and surviving, Renji only saw failure in it. It reminded him of how he had fallen down on his knees, body trapped by sakura colored swords, and the inability to go on and rescue Rukia. He saw failure. He saw red. Fire on white silk, the proof of his failure.

Abarai picked up the expensive heirloom and held it in his tightened left fist while holding onto his saké bottle with his other. He stood there, facing his bed where the offensive reward had been placed, looking into nothingness. Images playing and replaying in his head made him drink one large gulp after another. Without realizing, drunk and filled with sorrow, hours passed.

Coming out like from a trance, he realized he'd been standing there until the evening passed. He could see the night sky through the half-closed curtains. Nightfall had come but he was still not drunk enough, he thought. Trying to empty the last drops in the saké bottle unsuccessfully, it made the tired redhead focus on the door instead. His head swam around the stained scarf in his hand, as he again realized he held onto it, slipping in and out of conciousness where he stood.

Determined to face his captain for his taunts, Abarai walked around the bed and left the room. He slammed the door behind him. Without asking for permission, he entered the noble's room, closing the door behind him, slightly more calmly. Seeing the noble asleep with his head on his hands – on the desk, facing away from him, he slammed the empty saké bottle near the man's head. His captain jumped at the sudden sound, wide eyes travelling from the intruding object towards the angered eyes of his lieutenant.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, more or less automatically, waking from his sleep. "Why are you in my room?" he insisted, rubbing his sleepiness away with the large sleeve of his light-blue, flowery yukata.

"Are you trying to humiliate me..? Hurt me even more..?" Renji asked through clenched teeth, looking down hazily. "Do you think you can buy my forgiveness by showing me that you care about my wasted effort? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you didn't care when you pushed swords through my body to make me kneel before you, when I tried to rescue your sister, all for the sake of your precious justice." Spiteful but true words fell from wet red lips. The smell of saké filled the room before Byakuya even stood up.

"That was not my intention. I only wanted to give it back to you. It was supposed to stay with you that day after all. You're drunk, lieutenant. Return to your room to sleep." He turned to walk to the porch and ignore the angered, drunken man behind him. He could feel the intensity behind those words, and he didn't wish to argue anymore.

Renji tossed the scarf on the papers abandoned on the desk, right into the unsteady saké bottle, crashing it into the desk's back pannel . Renji's steps rapidly found themselves led behind the dark-haired noble. His bronzed hands found themselves on the lithe body facing away from him.

"Release me, Abarai." Byakuya demanded as he felt the grips tighten hard around his upper arms.

"You humiliate me, you cage me and you're the one who begs me for release? Well, _what_ kind of release, _captain_?" The caged tiger found himself growling with a distinct tone to his voice. Byakuya glared back while he pushed his lips closed, keeping silent.

"Why don't you make me release you? Or have you lost all your power when you allowed what little family I still had, to die? Why don't you hurt me again, like you did that day? The Kuchiki I know would do it without a second thought."

Byakuya shut his eyes when he felt his arms twist harshly behind his back. "I will never raise my hands or swords against you and I will never be that person again." He found himself answer honestly, pain obvious in his words. "Never again."

Renji looked bewildered as he released the thin arms from his grasps and the captain turned to look him in the eyes. Gulping, he could see it.. shreds of a man he used to want.. to love and respect.. always wanting to be his equal.. and never quite reaching him.

"I used to long for you.." muttered, soft words fell from drunken lips as Renji looked down into his captain's eyes. "For decades, I watched you. Ever since you took Rukia from my side, and you gave her a home that eventually betrayed her. But you gave her one, no less. It made me happy to see her become the person she always wanted to be, even at your side. You made me want to be by your side too. You, the one who stood so proud, so graceful and yet so cold, took my heart along with her.. and I could not tear my eyes away from you.

You never noticed my longing even when I was transferred by your side and served you for decades.. even as close as I was, as your second-in-command. However, the more I saw you, daily, the more my heart wanted you.. your body.. your sweet, smooth skin.. and I would've kissed the ground you walked on to protect you and make you proud." Renji took a deep breath, following his own fingers as they slid across the soft, pale cheek in front of him, eventually gliding inside at the base of the black strands and tightening their hold.

Byakuya didn't move, he only stared at him with sad eyes.

He'd noticed.

Of course he had.

Bronze fingers gripped around the hair and tugged it harshly, making the lithe body wince breathlessly in front of him.

"But you crushed all that when you got her killed. You crushed all that when you beat me into the ground and rewarded me for my brashness.. and you crushed it all over again by trying to make me feel you've changed, humiliating me in the privacy of my already broken soul." Renji spitefully spit out before pushing the smaller death-god on the bed.

"And now, I will humiliate you. I will prove you a liar again, when you slice at me with your pride-filled sword. You haven't changed. It's just a lie to earn my forgiveness."

"Abarai, stop..! Don't do something you will regret." Byakuya warned as he looked up from the bed. He leaned on his elbows to get up and leave but Renji's large hands held him down below the shoulders. He pushed him hard onto the blue quilt covering the bed. The thick candle on the desk flickered on the other side of the room when Renji half-stood and ripped the sash from the noble's waist, throwing it to the floor.

"Make me stop. Show me how you're exactly the same person, the one who coldly disregards and only comforts himself through uncaring selfishness." The subordinate pulled harshly on the light yukata, tearing it away in pieces and leaving the noble curled naked in the middle of the bed while he stood and stared. Anger flared in his eyes.

"Aren't you going to kill me?!" Renji yelled, angrily. "For shaming you?! Won't you kill me before I pour a small part of my pain in your eyes?!"

"If you're looking for death, you won't find it with me. I promised Rukia I would forgive anything stupid you might do.. I'm begging you to regain your senses and sanity.. and just stop." Byakuya looked worryingly into red eyes, as he explained the lack of retort that Renji wanted to receive. "I can see it in your eyes, Abarai. You blame yourself just as I blame myself.. but _I_ don't blame you. I won't blame you. You're hurting because I foolishly believed in something so unfair." Soft, understanding words entered the redhead's mind, making it swim with hazy frustration, again and again. Tears threatened to spill once more, hiding behind a sorrowful look as brows furrowed and nose wrinkled in pain and madness.

"Damn you, taichou.. I _hate_ you.. I hate you_ so_ much." Renji grabbed the pale arms curled on the bed beside the small body, once more pulling them apart and looking down into trembling ash-colored eyes. The noble's eyes closed when saké-tasting lips harshly pushed on his, a wide broad form pressing above him and spreading his legs.

"Abarai-.. _agh_.. Please.." Kuchiki managed to tear his mouth away to plead for him to stop but his words were crashed into silence as the hungry mouth invaded his again. Widened, ashy irises were soon covered by heavy eyelids as he couldn't move his body from beneath the drunken man.

"I will make you know pain and defeat.. or die by your hands.." Renji leaned backwards to whisper, muttering it between heavy breaths. He loved to see the frightened glances from his captain as he held him in his tight hands. Renji knew the man could kill him in five seconds but.. he didn't. His hands released the lithe arms and traveled down the noble's ribs and down his stomach, then his hips, eventually reaching the inner thighs of the naked body. His fingers pinched hard on the sensitive thighs leaving bruises behind. He enjoyed the heavy gasps from the man below as he crawled lower. Renji's hands returned above and held Byakuya down, pushing his hips onto the bed. He sat his knees on the floor and hovered above the man just slightly smaller than him.

"Stop, Renji.." the raven-haired shinigami captain pleaded but Renji's mouth covered one of the nipples, making Byakuya's lungs empty with a sudden gasp. Sharp teeth slowly chewed tightly around the small bud, bruising it before licking and rubbing at it hungrily. The noble panted unwillingly, struggling to catch his breath.

"I warned you, don't call me by that name again," the subordinate glared at him and his mouth clamped shut around the other pink bud, bruising it as well.

"Renji.." the lithe captain muttered again between heavy breaths, between small rushes of pain, many other red bruises filling his pale chest. His cheeks flushed shamefully at the torment. Renji glared at the repeated use of his name.

"You are Abarai Renji.. _aghh_.. a vibrant shinigami... with a stupid smile.. _nnngh_.. on his face.. You are not this person.." Byakuya repeated before Renji, determined to make him stop talking, lowered himself and engulfed the unintentionally hardened member in his mouth, destroying every remaining thought or word in the noble's head.

His mouth pushed down until it reached the base, moving heavily on the aroused appendage and touching the back of his throat. Unsteady moans and gasps could be heard and felt at the repeated movements, enveloping the captain's heated length as tightly as he could. A wet tongue circled around the tormented member when the hungry mouth withdrew slowly and attacked again, repeatedly.

Lost in the feeling, Renji's mind stopped working as he just listened to the sweet, tormented sighs of his captain. He welcomed the sweet emptiness of pain and sorrow of his head for a few minutes. Byakuya's weak arms fought to push away the hungry mouth but it continued to travel up and down on his leaking member. So instead pf pushing further away, they unintentionally and unwillingly pulled closer. They involuntarily tightened around the redhead's skull and clutched onto the long, red, fiery strands, unable to resist the intense waves of wet lust.

Renji felt his captain tremble below his teeth and tongue, and he swallowed him whole a few more times, tongue swirling around with every inch deepened. Losing his body's control, for a noble such as Byakuya, losing it in his lieutenant's hands especially, Renji thought.. would hurt.

He hoped it would.

But Renji had no idea how momentarily grateful Byakuya also felt for his lack of thoughts, rushing them out with every down-pour of intruding emotions.

"Renji.." the raven-haired noble repeated and gasped his name over and over, faster as he got pushed closer to his release."I.. c-can't.. hold-.. stop-.. _aaahhh_.."

Byakuya felt his own body uncontrollably release against his orders.

Renji pushed the shivering organ at the back of his throat and felt it tremble for release, forcefully experiencing the ending of his first event of the sort.

Open-mouthed and crying out-loud for his lieutenant, Byakuya felt the sucking motions of two heated lips and throat making him drown in the unknown surrender so hard to bare. His body curled around Renji's head, covering it with his arms as the man kneeled on the floor pushed softly, fast and repeatedly against the reddened member, sliding up and down with his lips. The last of the exploding liquid escaped the unyielding appendage still warmed in the heated cave, before Renji pulled back with his mouth closed, holding back the pain winces from the half-raw gashes around his back.

"Renji.." the noble still pleaded.. for what, he had lost count, unable to think anymore.. before a wet, bitter taste filled his own mouth. His eyes half-opened in shock, feeling the taste of saké mixed with his own, invading his dry mouth. He groaned in displeasure and tried to push Renji away but the redhead held the back of his neck, not letting him distance himself before he finished what he'd started. He could feel the mouth under his swallow hard and reluctantly at the thick, creamy liquid. He smirked smugly into the rosy lips before withdrawing his hair-gripping fist.

"Did you enjoy that.. captain? Does it feel good to taste yourself? It would make sense, seeing as how you're the only person you love.. Selfish captain, aren't you?.. Swallowing yourself ungracefully like that.." Abarai taunted, smirking bitterly at the one below his height. He raised himself from the floor and looked down to the flushed form below him.

"You're.. the selfish.. one, Renji.." Byakuya managed to reply between small coughs, clearing his mouth and throat. Renji's hands travelled back down to the bruised pale thighs, tightening his hold as he pulled the thin legs closer to the edge. He raised them up, the levels of panic reaching new heights in his captain's eyes. "You have to stop now, Renji.. I will not take any actions against.. what you've done.. You're not in your right mind.. Simply stop, please.."

Renji grinned wickedly at the pleading captain below him.

"You really have changed, haven't you? My captain would've never begged for anything. You're so weak compared to that emotionally stunted person you were before. I'm glad that her death rewarded you with what you deserve. Pain. And I will show you more, just to see how much you've changed." Mischievously, he let his own sash and yukata fall to the floor, momentarily loosening his hold over the smaller body. Byakuya covered his eyes with his right forearm when he felt the man's hardened organ rubbing circles around his entrance, smearing him with his own leaking stickiness. A few surprise gasps escaped rosy lips, and the pale cheeks reddened more. Sweat dripped down both their bodies, heavy breathing sounds filling the silence of the room.

Renji's left hand lifted the noble's right leg and pushed his hungry member's head through the wet entrance.

The noble's mouth opened to release the most painful silent scream at the painfully unwelcome intrusion.

"... _hah_.." You're so tight, captain.. I feel like.. I'm gonna come.. just by.. being inside.." Renji managed to speak between heavy breaths abandoning his drumming chest. He could feel Byakuya tense in his arms as he leaned forward over the raised leg, holding him under his knee with his left hand. Nails bit into the tight flesh as he leaned more, pressing harder until he felt his own length be completely submersed into his captain's back. Licking his lower lip and biting harshly to contain himself, he calmed down enough to be able to move slowly.

The redhead stared down through half-lidden eyes and saw the pair of ash-colored irises hazily looking up at him.. They refused to beg anymore but they stood trembling and shining brightly with curses written in their focus. But that wasn't all. He could see the sympathy along the curses, how the captain didn't really fault him for his actions. He felt pity at the pain his subordinate felt. Renji could see it, plain as day. He felt his eyes break as the glasses shattered and tears fell. The captain looked up into his captor's eyes, surprised at the emotions of guilt and pain visibly showing. They passed any limits that had been there until earlier. He looked down at his own small chest and grazed the transparent liquid with his light-skinned fingers.

"Renji.." he whispered below the redhead, staring right into wet, red eyes as they dripped down to his chest. The redhead stopped moving, still inside his captain's hurt body.

"I'm so sorry, captain.." Renji cried between short breaths. He felt his left cheek being covered by a smaller hand, with pale skin and long, thin fingers. "I have no idea what I'm doing anymore.." His eyes closed shut in shame. The one person he wanted to shame, he didn't truly deserve it. At least not as much as he did, Renji realized, finally becoming aware of his actions. He was the one who really deserved it, with his hurtful actions and his spiteful words. "Captain.. what do I do..?" he looked in hurt eyes below him and saw nothing but familiar pain and sadness, the same one he'd earlier seen in the mirror of his room, in his own eyes.

"Make us forget, Renji.. Empty your mind, and mine along with it.." Byakuya answered calmly, ghosting his soft palm across the bronzed cheek. Lost for words, Renji gulped and nodded slowly. He understood what he needed to do – finish what he'd started.. just with a different goal.

Renji could feel the warm blood trickling down the captain's skin, and he saw it fall on the white sheet below the thrown away quilt. He glanced up at his captain again. The noble nodded and looked at him, his eyes asking him to continue and erase the pain he'd caused.

Renji started to move slowly, making the raven-haired noble wince in pain for the first few thrusts. He released the tight hold on the captain's left leg and leaned down to hold onto the lithe frame of Byakuya's waist instead. Byakuya's arms wrapped slowly around hurt, tanned shoulders and he found himself holding tight after a few more thrusts. The pain started to dissipate, making him feel empty and in need to be filled.. and he was, the moment Renji heard him subtly plead for more. The lieutenant worked his own hips in a circular movement, increasing his harshness and speed until they could both feel themselves get lost in mesmerizing motions.

Renji lifted his head from the smooth, pale chest and Byakuya leaned down shakingly, catching his mouth just as hungrily. The motions started to feel hypnotizing, building up heat and making the pain forgotten. Right now, their memories didn't swim around their heads, their regrets didn't fill their hearts and reluctance disappeared.

The redhead stopped for a moment, turning his captain – with his help, around, flat on his stomach. He laid on top of him and guided his reddened member inside the tight cave of muscles again. He moved his hips slower but with more purpose, sliding up and down. The captain's breath quickened and panted with each push inside his craving body.

Beautiful moaning resonated in their ears, forgetting about everything else. Byakuya pushed his arms against the bed and thrust back his smaller hips, reaching Renji better and making him enter even deeper. They indulged in the sharp wants of their craving bodies, forgetting it all. Nothing else remained besides the here and the now.

Strong, long, tanned arms slipped below the small waist and tugged up and down on the noble's own aroused member, bringing him closer to release once more. With open-mouthed breaths, Byakuya cried for the welcomed intruder over and over. Black strands of hair spread around the sheet near his face, blue quilt long since pushed aside for its rough texture. A few strands slipped into Byakuya's lips, sticking themselves to the wet, dripping mouth as his lungs craved for just enough air. He gasped and reached his orgasm again, making a mess of the bed and Renji's hungrily pumping hand.

Renji thrust hard for at least five more times, feeling the excruciatingly tight muscle rings tremble hungrily around his own hardness. With one last slam inside the tight flesh, he came and spilled his seed deep inside his noble captain panting heavily below him.

".._agh_.. that felt so good.." the lieutenant found himself say with a pleading voice. Byakuya pushed his left shoulder into his and managed to throw him off. The half-closed eyes of his subordinate followed his sluggish movements. The captain gathered his knees under him until heels touched his abused glutes.

His eyes turned to Renji and he pushed the lieutenant flat on his back before straddling him with slight urgency. With now widened eyes and biting his lower lip, wondering what the captain wanted to do, Renji stood shocked when the man placed both his smaller hands around the still half-hard organ. Wordlessly, he started sliding them up and down, meeting the center of one of his palms each time they returned.

"Captain.. what are you doing?.." the redhead asked, closing his eyes almost completely, barely able to see the lithe man above him anymore.

"Helping us forget some more," the honest but tricky answer came from the captain, a small mischievous smile on his lips as he looked down upon his own captive. Renji couldn't help but grin when he felt the small hands lead him to the entrance again. Byakuya straightened his back and forced himself to slid down, gasping open-mouthedly above Renji, impaling himself on the renewed hardness below his ass. The smooth, silky head slipped in first. He could feel the head of the thing slowly clasping its edges at the first ring of muscles as it slipped in, showing its unwillingness of separating easily. He could also feel the riveting strands of choking veins gliding across his own smooth flesh inside.

Renji gathered his strength and raised his palms to grasp onto the smaller hips above him. Still too high above him, and fearful of pain, the captain looked scared as he shakingly and slowly slid downwards. Renji's hands pushed him down fast and hard. Kuchiki Byakuya yelled in soaring pain. He softly rotated his hips inside his ass, helping his captain widen and relax again. Byakuya managed to open his tightly closed eyelids and glared harshly towards the harsh young man moving so teasingly inside him from left to right. He laid his palms on the tight stomach muscles of his lieutenant and swirled around with his hips, following in Renji's similar motions, trying to widen his flesh and relieve the pain.

"You are.. such a.. brute.." the captain wickedly cursed and his glaring eased. Ashen eyes started to close, adoring the feelings transforming inside him from pain to pleasure. He felt the inside of his stomach burn with desire, feeling like someone had started a fire. Renji started to redirect his hips upwards, increasing the heaviness and speed inside the amazingly hot man above him. He definitely felt like his superior now. Renji smirked at the thought.

"Wh-.. Why are you smiling, lieutenant..?" the captain breathlessly asked.

"You are fucking gorgeous when you take me inside like this.." Byakuya's face flushed even more at the words dared to be spoken.

"Don't you.. _haahh_.. hate.. me.. anymore?.." he asked between small gasps rushing his shortened words.

"I do.. but I love you at the same time.. I always have.. That's why you always manage to hurt me so bad... _Argh_, fuck.. I don't wanna think about that right now." Renji confessed with a grin, but then growled as memories threatened to return. Byakuya increased the distance between his inner muscles and Renji's base, making more of an impact as he came down crashing with every movement. The feelings were mutual.

"Well, then.. _hah_.. Abarai.. You will just have to... _aghh_... _hnn_... immerse.. _haahh_.. yourself... in other thoughts.. _nghh_.. and forget about.._mmnhh_.. the deceitfully painful ones then.. _haah_.."

"_Mmnn_.. I guess so.. I can always fuck you into oblivion.. from now on.. can't I, captain?.._fuuuck_.. _so good_.." Renji asked, a wicked and mischievous smirk curling at his lips.

"You can always _try_.. " Byakuya smirked through heavy panting as their rhythm increased to boiling point. "I can't promise.. success.."

His lieutenant grinned as he pulled the lithe body down and indulged in the moaning mouth. He sent his tongue in search of a friend, tugging on him tightly and surrounding him with his own taste. The saké was barely felt anymore, but they didn't really focus on that taste anymore. They could feel their own between their hardened tongues, between clashes of heated, hurried lips sucking and biting hard, trying to increase the fires in their lower bellies as they came close and lost themselves in another release.

After they came undone, a few long moments of silence followed, retracing the way to refilling their needy lungs. Silky, black hair fell smoothly against his shoulders, gliding softly against pale skin.

Catching his breath, Byakuya laid his right cheek on the strong, wide chest below his flushed skin. Loud heart-beats thumped against his inner-ear, resonating all through that body and merging with his.

"_Fuck_, captain.."

"Not again, lieutenant.." Byakuya sighed, satisfyingly. Barely opened lips struggled to recover mouthfuls of air necessary for tired lungs to relax.

"Not what I meant.. How did we get here?.. I swear, we are both so fucked up.. We aren't even ourselves anymore.. Damn.." Renji explained, still panting heavily.

"I don't want to be the man I used to be.. I want to be different.. but you.. Renji.. you have to go back to the way you were.. Rukia loved that part of you." The noble explained and closed his eyes. "I remember always seeing her smile when you came by to visit her.. I could never offer a good time for her. You always did. She couldn't be happier when you were there, like a real brother. Don't let that go to waste."

"How? How do I do that?" Renji asked, frowning. Tears almost broke from the confined vessels between his sad eyes.

"You move on. One step at a time."

"You're the one who just allowed himself to be broken and you're telling me to take it one step at a time..?" Renji couldn't help but say it out-loud.

"Unlike you, I deserved it.. and you deserved to take it out on me. Although, as good as it felt, it's hard to consider it punishment.."

"I'm not so sure anymore.. The old you deserved it. You're not the same anymore, are you?"

Byakuya sighed silently and opened his eyes. He lifted his head from the hard muscle mass he'd used as a pillow.

"You should go. You're probably going to wake up in the morning and forget everything.. considering how much you had to drink. Reality is harsh like that, lieutenant."

"Don't I know it.." Renji muttered to himself. "That's why I'm not leaving your side. I will write a fucking note on my forehead if I have to."

"Like you'd manage to understand your upside-down drunken scribbles." Byakuya sighed again, subtly shaking his head.

"I won't forget it. I would never." the redhead muttered to himself and closed his eyes. He fell asleep instantly. Byakuya took a damp towel and cleaned Renji before covering him and going to take a shower.

When he returned, he dried and slipped under the quilt with the snoring redhead, resting on his chest.

- }-{ -

Morning came with a scream and a rushed fall from the tall bed.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Renji yelled as he rubbed the back of his head. He pulled down the pillow on his side of the bed and covered his exposed skin.

"You were right. You _should_ have left a note on your forehead." Byakuya sighed and watched silently as the redhead observed the torn clothes, the bruises on his captain's chest and the blood on the floor. He froze there, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, shock filling his head.. as well as a good hangover pain throbbing loudly that made sure he wasn't dreaming.

The captain allowed himself to fall back on the white pillow. He closed his heavy eyes.

After a few noises of rushed gathering of clothes, he heard the door shut, shaking the walls holding it in its fringes.

Renji didn't remember anything.

* * *

...

..

I honestly hope you enjoyed it! I'd like to continue it but only if there are enough readers interested.. _Are there? _

Milk and cookies for kind reviewers~! (-you guys make me wanna write more :3)


	2. Better times

**Summary****: ** Ichigo's plan to rescue Rukia has failed, and he got banished from Seireitei, never to return. Renji got sent to the hospital in critical condition before being imprisoned for seven months for attacking his captain, until Byakuya gets him released into his custody. Renji gets drunk and even with his captain whom he now hates for letting Rukia die. Lots of nosebleeds to be had, blood boiling and anger issues to go through by the end of each chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story, they belong to Noriaki Kubo. I have just used the characters for my own twisted imagination and storyline. I only own the plot.. Well, I hope you'll like it ^^

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**Words that you may meet along and you might not know what they mean** _(they will only be used in a few places, not all over; Sometimes the english versions fit the dialogue and descriptions better)_**:**

**Reiatsu **- Spirit particles (energy that Soul Society and human spirits are made of)

**Taichou** - Captain

**Aa** - Yeah

**Rukongai** - the village outside of Soul Society

**Zanpakutou **- Reiatsu infused swords belonging to those in the thirteen squads of Seireitei

**Kenseikan** - long, silver hair bobbins pieces (intricate silver nobility heirloom that rests on Byakuya's hair in this case); In a guest appearance, they will be tall, X-shaped, three pieces one next to the other across many braided strands of blue hair. Read to see who wears them here :)

**Seireitei** - Soul Society - the home of the thirteen squads

**Shinigami** - Death-gods - Guiding spirits for the afterlife, warriors and destroyers of hollows

**Hollows** - Spirits that have evolved into monsters due to grudges or unfulfilled desires

* * *

**STORY TYPE:**

**Yaoi/Gay relationships** - Very detailed - do not read if you're anti-gay or whatever, your loss, don't shove complaints down my throat; You have been warned.

**Drama** - Rukia has died (or has she?.. read to find out!). Her rescue plan in the Ryoka Invasion arc has failed . Renji was sent to the hospital in critical condition and Ichigo was banished, to stay the human world only as a substitute and never to return. Guilt and blame rule the hearts and minds of many.

**Humor** - A few moments and scenes to cool things down. I like contrast.

**Angst** - There will be plenty, but not continuously, of course.

**Sexual content** - There will be an exaggerated amount of detailed scenes, just to soothe my heart and soul. I am a hentai like that, so if you also are, this will be for you too. Now, _this_ is the most supreme warning. Do not blame me for tainting your pure little sparkly eyes *ruffles your hair* I will merely hand you a tissue should you nosebleed. I will keep my guilt-free mind-frame, thank you very much.

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Character descriptions:

**Kuchiki Byakuya** - Captain of 6th Division in the Gotei 13. Long, black hair, tall, slate grey eyes. Wears intricate hair clips called kenseikan (three on the top of his head and two on his right side above his ear) to show his noble heritage. He always wear white hand-guards - tekkou - on the back of his hands, a standard captain uniform with a white haori and until recently, he wore a long, white heirloom scarf that was worth the price of at least eight estates in Seireitei. Graceful, polite, respected, feared and seemingly cold towards everyone. He always looks calm and serious, never to show his expressions unless it is a very special case.. like getting utterly annoyed. His sword transforms into a thousand pink Sakura petals that are sharper than a normal sword, at his will to manipulate against his enemies, and as fast as he wants.

**Abarai Renji** - Lieutenant of 6th Division in the Gotei 13, second-in-command to Kuchiki Byakuya. Redhead (hair like dark fire), tall, brown eyes with a red tinge; His long hair is usually tied in a high, spiky ponytail or - more rarely - loose on his shoulders, almost reaching his waist when untied. Tanned, well-trained body full of tribal tattoos, given to him by his zanpakutou for his achievements (at least in my story). Rude and fiery, sometimes hyper, always slightly irresponsible, hot-headed and battle-type hungry. He's only polite when he's in front of his captain whom he admires the most, Kuchiki Byakuya.. although not in this case. His sword becomes a very large almost mechanical, bone-looking snake that shoots reiatsu from its mouth and can disassemble into many pieces while still under Renji's control. He wears a maroon bandanna over the tattoos on his forehead.

**Soundtrack suggested:** Poets of the fall - Given and Denied.. the song quietly nudged me into writing this entire chapter, as it came out.. I highly suggest playing it in the background~

Enjoy reading~! ^^

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Chapter 2

...

..

.

_Morning came with a scream and a rushed fall from the tall bed._

_"What the fuck is going on?!" Renji yelled as he rubbed the back of his head. He pulled down the pillow on his side of the bed and covered his exposed skin._

_"You were right. You ____should__ have left a note on your forehead." Byakuya sighed and watched silently as the redhead observed the torn clothes, the bruises on his captain's chest and the blood on the floor. He froze there, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, shock filling his head.. as well as a good hangover pain throbbing loudly that made sure he wasn't dreaming._

_The captain allowed himself to fall back on the white pillow. He closed his heavy eyes._

_After a few noises of rushed gathering of clothes, he heard the door shut, shaking the walls holding it in its fringes._

_Renji didn't remember anything._

- }-{ -

Three more days passed before Renji even looked at Byakuya. He thought he understood what happened but, for the hell of it, he couldn't understand or want to believe that it was possible. Since his captain hadn't said anything, Renji left it alone. He imagined himself finding the noble after a sexual escapade, simply drunkenly wondering to his room when going to his to sleep.. Still.. it didn't explain his nude state and being in the same bed.. Well, Renji did sleep in nude, but autumn was close to ending. With snow soon to fall and harsh nights, it was hard to imagine Renji would fall asleep naked.

Most of the meals were in separate rooms or at separate times, and Renji appreciated the distance. He didn't want to see his captain, hoping that the things that he thought he'd done – having concluded from the evidence in the room that morning – were not true..

The noble would've most definitely said something if something of the sort happened, wouldn't he? Yes, there was no doubt about it. Renji was sure. His captain, as he knew him – and he knew him well, wasn't of the sort to allow anything to happen or not take measures of retribution.. specifically running Senbonzakura through the smallest shreds of bloods left in Abarai Renji's body, making him become dust in the wind.

But, since nothing happened, Renji calmed down and allowed time to pass like that morning was only a bad dream.

After all, he couldn't have even touched the man he hated so much.. his pure presence disgusted him after allowing Rukia to die in front of his very own ash-colored eyes.

Renji's stomach churned at the idea of having done anything. Yet, the years and decades he'd dreamed and longed for his captain in a lustful way.. they still made their lingering presence known somewhere in the background.

Shaking his head, he dismissed the contradicting thoughts.

- }-{ -

"Are you Abarai-san?" a little voice asked curiously, hiding behind the eastern corner of the porch. Renji was staring out into the garden. He was now at the lowest floor of the estate, one level below Byakuya's room which was quite literally above his head. He looked back when felt a small tug on his red, pineapple-shaped ponytail.

"Huh?" the redhead raised a tattooed eyebrow, surprised at the small presence. A dark blue-haired little boy stared at him shyly. For one second, Renji thought he looked remarkably like a young Byakuya would've looked at his age. Tall, X-shaped silver kenseikans rested at the right side of the boy's head, clipping over five rows of thin braids towards the end. They were braided backwards similar to his captain's sideways kenseikan. The boy's hair reached his shoulder height in his left side, a long braid dropping down on his left shoulder, distinct against the rest of the shorter hair. "Who the hell are ya`?" Renji leaned back on his left elbow, and stared at the familiar looking Kuchiki traits. The boy stared bravely at him, not stepping back when Renji's face stood a few inches away.

"My name is Kuchiki Taki. I live here." The small voice replied with a happy humming at the end, and he sat down next to the older man, on the porch's wooden staircase. Yellow and red colors filled the ground. Renji looked away and stared out to the beautiful garden,"Nice to meet you, Abarai-san," the little boy continued with a shy, calm expression as he observed the man. Although he ignored him, Taki couldn't help but be curious about the man he'd heard Masaki-san and Rikichi talk about.

"Mhmm.. Go away. Go play or something. I'm tired," Renji spoke with a sigh and waved his left hand dismissively, "I'm not good company when I'm tired."

"I don't have anyone to play with," the small kid spoke with the easiest of voices, surprising Renji, "I don't know many people here," he continued, a small tinge of sadness in his voice that reminded Renji of his younger self. Intrigued, he leaned his head back and looked to the small bundle to his left side. He couldn't be more than five, six years old.

"Didn't you say you live here?" the redhead couldn't help but ask.

"I do," Taki answered simply and took out a small pack of colored putty from the little square shoulder bag falling down to his small waist. He started spreading them over the wooden panels, preparing to shape them off into objects or animals. Renji's eyebrows raised curiously.

"Where's ya` mom then? Can't you go spend time with her or somethin`?"

"She died. Can't you play with me? Masaki-chan said you're a nice person so she sent me to you while she puts out the laundry and daddy's working," Large, dark blue eyes looked up to Renji, saddened when the man seemed to want to get rid of him. "Will you play with me?"

"Sure, gimme that," Renji sighed and grabbed the offered piece of blue putty from Taki's little hands, "Where's ya` dad then?"

"He's also dead," Taki answered with a sad smile, focused on the little lumps being combined in his fingers to shape a small horse statue.

"Didn't ya` say he was at work?" the redhead asked quietly, slightly confused from the boy's words.

"Ah, that's not my real daddy but he takes care of me. He's a _reaaaally_ good daddy though, I like being here," Taki answered with a large grin on his face. Renji stood even more confused as he straightened his back and handed Taki a small, blue peach-shaped lump, a yellow little twig-tail at the upper center. Taki smiled and placed it on the wooden panels they sat on. "I moved here seven months ago but I was visiting my great-grandfather for a few days. I'm glad I got to meet you, Abarai-san. You look strange with all the drawings on your face, haha," the child laughed and sat back, shaping more fruit-like pieces.

Renji felt like he wanted to ask more about his parents and who he stayed with but considering it was the Kuchiki estate and the boy wore kenseikans, it wasn't so hard to guess, he thought.. The boy must be a relative living in one of the outer cottages, adopted by other Kuchikis, with his circumstances and all, if they were true. '_Probably came to visit Masaki-san'_, he thought.

"Well, it's nice meeting you, Taki, my man," Renji smiled and held his right fist out for Taki to bump as greeting. The boy smiled and bumped his fist, unsure if his actions were the expected ones or not. Renji couldn't help but feel the boy was older than he looked, with the way he talked. Shinigamis lived a hundred years for every ten years humans did. So, if the child looked six years old, it meant he was at least sixty years old, if he'd been a human.. but since shinigami time felt different than for humans, the boy was still very much.. just a normal child.

"Daddy talked a lot about you, Abarai-san," Taki then settled to shape a small basket with many colorful types of breads and balls inside. Renji helped by making a bulky, miniature table for the boy.

"Mm? Really? Do I know your dad?" Renji wondered out-loud. He knew that many of the clan were well-aware of his place next to the Kuchiki clan leader, and probably didn't like him very much at the moment. Expecting the childish honesty to speak the truth, he asked softly again, "I bet your dad, whoever he is, doesn't like me much, huh? I don't do many good things to be talked about-,"

"Silly Abarai-san," Taki interrupted and chuckled, "Daddy things you're a good person, he always talks about the funny stuff you did before.. you know.. jail.." he then slowed down and looked sad. Renji said nothing.

A few silent moments passed as they continued to shape putty into different foods, animals and objects.

"Taki-chan?" a calm male voice called as the door to the porch half-opened and light shone inside the darker room. The lights were off in the room. "Masaki-san came looking for you," The noble's eyes sweetly gazed at the boy before opening the door further and noticed Renji in the right side. The redhead was leaning back on his left elbow, fingers shaping at a lump of green putty, similar to a large caterpillar.

"Abarai," Kuchiki Byakuya half-nodded as a greeting but the redhead merely raised his chin slightly, to acknowledge his greeting. Cold brown eyes followed the man who, unexpectedly, sat down on his knees in front of the small boy and patted his head gently. The boy grinned happily and let the long, thin hands spoil him in a nurturing way.

"Yes, I'm going right now," Taki answered with a big smile knowing that Masaki had asked the cook to bake chocolate chip cookies for him. He looked back at the putty pieces on the wooden boards, "But my toys-," he said in a whining tone, thinking of gathering all the many, small pieces.

Kuchiki Byakuya tugged softly at his warm, blue yukata and sat down better on his heels, "I will gather them. You will find them in my room later. Go ahead and make sure Takeru-san behaves and doesn't make too many cookies. We wouldn't want cavities or captain Unohana will pay us a visit, alright?"

Renji sat quietly and observed the unknown gentle expression on the noble's face. It felt strange, like he'd seen it before.. though not exactly the same, and he couldn't remember when he could've seen it.. Strangely quiet, he observed the boy's face as he turned from happy to worried at the sound of the healer coming over to check his teeth. Renji couldn't help but smile slightly at the childish fear of the intrusive healers.

"_Haaaai_!" Taki rapidly waved to Renji and ran past Byakuya, "Bye, dad!"

The noble's smile increased slightly as he pushed a few morning black strands of hair behind his right ear. He hadn't yet placed his kenseikan, mostly using them when he left home, not in the privacy of his house. Renji stared at him with a frown and focused eyes.

"Since when do you have a son?" Abarai couldn't help but ask with a stern expression, not believing the whole scene. The captain seemed surprised at the question as well, knowing that Renji ignored him to the best of his ability. He started to gently pick up the many putty pieces spread around Renji and the place where Taki had earlier sat. He nodded softly, a small sad smile on his lips, placing the toys in the square box inside the small bag.

"His father was one of my older cousins. They died the same day Rukia did, under the same sword.. They both worked at central 46. That day, they were among many others who died at Aizen's hand," Byakuya answered with a small, noticeable frown. He seemed to feel sad, Renji thought, such a rare opportunity to see an emotion from his captain. Suddenly, a flashing image popped in and out in his mind, a pleading, sad Byakuya in his grips. Shocked and hoping it was a mere terrible nightmare acting up, Renji gulped and kept silent.

"He was a good friend to me. They were both good people.. I adopted his son and by the next day, I vowed to give him the life and the love my cousin would have," a small sigh escaped rosy lips as the putties were all placed in the brown bag left behind by his son, "The way I should've given Rukia."

"I'm sorry about your cousin and his wife," Renji managed to mutter the sad sentence. Although the last part had slightly unnerved him, he didn't say anything and just looked away. New, short flashes appeared in his mind as the noble sat up and turned to leave. The redhead's fingers found themselves around the pale left wrist belonging to the older man.

A small gasp escaped Byakuya's mouth. The surprised eyes showed Renji that the ashen eyes held slight fear from his touch, and he lifted the sleeve of the blue yukata just slightly, peeking under it. Around four red-purple bruises on the inside of the wrist stood against a single, slightly larger one, and a longer bruise seemed to interruptingly connect them on the other side of the wrist as Renji turned it around.

"Did I do those to you?" he couldn't help but ask while staring at the wrist tugging for release. Letting it go, he looked up but the noble's eyes trembled just slightly in confusion. He'd almost forgotten that Renji didn't remember anything that had happened that night.

"No," the captain answered calmly and walked inside through the sliding paper door.

"Damn it," Renji muttered under his breath and jumped up, rushing inside after him. He closed the door behind him and left the room in dark again. He gripped the pale left arm again. "You're lying," he claimed as the noble got turned around despite his hurry to leave. "If I did something stupid why haven't you said or done anything?" Renji stood closer and muttered accusingly, staring into shining grey eyes.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Abarai," Kuchiki Byakuya tugged his arm free and walked away in a hurry, leaving Renji confused again. Climbing up the stairs and heading to his room, Renji ran up and followed. Eventually reaching the noble's room, he went inside without asking again. The noble turned surprised and sharply glared. "Please get out, I have work to do," he more asked than ordered.

Renji couldn't help contain his curiosity and wishing that all the things he remembered, fragments really, here and there, of Byakuya pleading and hurting, to be false, "So, is it true? Did I?" Gulping, he knew it. He knew it wasn't only a nightmare.

"Fine, if you wish to know.. you did," Byakuya answered as he sat in front of his tall bed, "You attempted to shame me but everything back-fired on you, allowing yourself to feel and made love to me," he continued courageously. His eyes didn't leave the stunned pair or brown eyes unfocused as more images flashed in his mind at the sight and smell of the noble's room, "You promised you wouldn't forget, and the next morning, you did."

Renji gulped painfully and held his head as he remembered more of the pleading images and crying, his and Byakuya's soft touches. It didn't make any sense, why didn't he kill him after forcing himself onto the noble? His reiatsu was even sealed, why in the world would the captain allow it to happen?

"It wasn't your fault, you were not in the best states of mind," Byakuya told him and sighed sightly, looking away. Turning his gaze to the door again, where Renji stood, he saw the redhead freaking out slightly. Apparently, not everything had come back to him yet. Perhaps he should've kept silence about what had gone on that night, Kuchiki thought, but it was too late. Releasing a heavy sigh that had been perched behind his chest, he commanded with his entire being again, "Get out, Abarai. I have work to do," This time he'd managed to make it sound more like an order.

Renji straightened slightly, feeling a huge headache washing over from his forehead all the way to the back of his head. Unknowing how he could apologize for such demeaning, shameful, bitter acts, Renji ran out the door and closed himself off in his room.

- }-{ -

"What the fuck was I thinking?.. What the fuck was I thinking?.. _What the fucking fuck_ _was I thinking_?!" Renji muttered under his breath as he threw himself on his back, on the bed, cursing at himself over and over his actions. He would've never forced himself over the noble had he been self-aware. Drinking.. drinking a lot of saké had been to blame.. wanting to move on past a very sad, unfortunate past had made him create yet another one.. but had the captain just brushed it off like nothing happened? Why? Why did he? He sounded more like blaming himself than anything, for allowing it to happen.. and '_made love to me_'.. he said.. What the hell had gone on that night?..

He had to talk to him again, Renji decided, but not right now. He ran down the stairs and asked Masaki for a headache pill and met the boy in the kitchen. He stood there, watching the child as he stole cookies from the still steaming tray, then they talked some more. After another half an hour, he returned to his room and went to sleep, hoping to be able to process all the information better in the evening when he was more rested. They would talk then or the next day, after they were less tired.

- }-{ -

Kuchiki Byakuya regretted telling the truth to his lieutenant but he knew that the memories would slowly return somehow anyway. He'd observed many of Renji's hangovers at work, he knew how the man's head worked. Still, perhaps less honesty would've been more useful in this case, he thought, feeling bad for even considering the idea of lying. He couldn't help but sigh.

There was but one thing to do – make Renji too busy to fret over everything that happened. Yes, work was the answer. Meeting friends. Going back to familiar places. It needed to be done. He couldn't help but want Renji to stop feeling bad about everything. After all, it was his fault for not stopping him when he was able to do so. His promises to Rukia of forgiving Renji provided him with a good excuse should Renji ask why.. but for now, he wanted to just avoid talking and dealing with everything that happened. He would not dwell in the past any longer. He'd done so with his father's death, with his wife's sickness.. and look how that had come out.. losing so much of himself along the way that he let his sister die in front of his eyes.

For now, he returned to his desk and started to work on the papers Rikichi had delivered early in the morning for him to sort through before delivering them to the new information bureau regarding their squads' necessities, missions reports or officer requests. Sighing – of which he'd resorted to lately, to relieve the pressure in his chest, he settled more comfortably and started reading. As usually, the unseated officer would come in the evening to pick up the finished stacks and deliver them, so he planned to finish a large part of them meanwhile.

- }-{ -

"Ri~ki~chi-~!" Taki sang out loud, happy as a butterfly soaring across the red-carpet staircases. Rikichi caught the boy as he jumped from the last two steps. Twirling him once around, the young officer placed him down gently and ruffled the child, avoiding the X-shaped kenseikans with habitual ease.

The young servant who had opened the door soon left, leaving them alone. Everyone knew the young officer, having come often during the past seven months to deliver and pick up the necessary paperwork from his captain.

"Yo, Taki-chan," he greeted with a grin. The child tugged at the officer's tee and pulled him to his eye level. Almost seated on his knees, Rikichi waited. Taki slid his small hand under the dark hair, pushing the three beaded braids aside and whispering into his ear.

"I know, right? I told you Renji-san's a cool senpai," Rikichi laughed and Taki giggled, "Although he kicks me with every chance he gets.." he said saddened at the memories, "and then he _alwaaaays_ tells me- .."

" _'If you're gonna do something, do it right, Rikichi!' _" Renji interrupted as he came around the corner leading to the kitchen in the center, back part of the house.

"Renji-san!" Rikichi beamed happily at seeing him. After all, Renji was the one who had unintentionally inspired Rikichi to join the Sixth Squad, and was his hero. Rikichi even had a small dark tattoo above his left eyebrow, slightly similar to Renji's. The redhead had noticed his worship and made fun of him when the boy couldn't get something right, always ending it with a motivational speech in the gruff Rukongai way. The kid has potential to be as troublesome as he used to be. He liked the kid.

"Yo, brat," Renji smirked at the boy and Taki ran to him, looking up. Rikichi's eyes widened in happiness at the sound of his senpai. He greeted and bowed excitedly.

"Wow, Abarai-san, you're _soooo_ tall compared to Rikichi!" an amazed little voice sang as he looked between the two. He hadn't seen Renji stand before now, and he was taller than his new dad as well.

"Nah, you're just short, Taki," Renji laughed and Rikichi soon joined. Taki pouted but soon burst into laughter too, "But you'll probably get really tall if ya` eat more of those cookies, ya` know," he teased and winked towards Rikichi to agree playfully.

"_Wooow_, really?! I have to go steal some more before dinner then!" the child ran to the kitchen in a hurry, leaving the two alone.

"I was joking~!" Renji yelled after the boy but it was too late.

"Great," a sighing voice spoke, coming down the staircase and holding a large stack of folders. "Now he'll really get the cavities I warned him about. Well done, Abarai," Byakuya continued as he walked down the remaining few steps.

"Hey, I was joking, I didn't think he'd take me seriously," Renji coughed nervously and avoided the captain's eyes. The noble placed the stack in the young officer's arms.

"Good evening, captain Kuchiki," Rikichi bowed respectfully and settled the papers better in his own arms.

"Rikichi, the first twenty folders are to go to the administrative offices at the information bureau, and the rest need to go to the officers sent in the latest three missions to be signed one more time each, then also delivered to the bureau. Please make sure they're ready by tomorrow," he calmly explained and ordered. The boy always fulfilled his orders perfectly.

"Of course, captain. You can count on me!" Rikichi nodded instead of bowing, as to not drop the papers and prepared to leave. Renji opened the door for him and the young man stopped and turned.

"I'm glad to see you're well, Renji-san," he said with a large smile,

"You'll be able to see the lieutenant more from now, Rikichi," Byakuya interrupted, "We will be coming to the office from tomorrow on. No need to deliver tomorrow morning's papers." Receiving a nod in acknowledgement from the excited officer, Byakuya turned to go and find his adopted son to warn him from the dangers of cavities that Renji had increased jokingly.

"Tomorrow? Isn't that great, Renji-san?" Rikichi asked, whispering. The redhead turned his glance from the captain's disappearing form and turned to smile to his younger squad mate.

"Yeah. It's good news," Reluctantly, Renji agreed. He felt too little relief at the news. The captain's timing couldn't be better, huh.. Renji thought as he closed the door behind the officer. Rikichi had used shunpo step and disappeared in a flash.

- }-{ -

"Takeru-san, please don't leave the cookies unguarded," Byakuya requested softly as he sat down next to his son, at the table. The child was holding a palm-sized chocolate chip cookie between his two small hands, half of it already gone. He looked up pleadingly.

The chef smiled and nodded at the request of his employer.

"But, dad, Abarai-san said I would grow taller if I ate more cookies!" Taki said with large puppy eyes. The raven-haired noble sighed at the cute, manipulative display.

"I was joking, man," Renji ruffled his hair as he came from behind and leaned down to his eye level, " but, if you wanna become really, _reaaaaally_ tall," Renji widened his eyes along his words to emphasize his point towards the impressionable child, "you will have to drink lots and lots of milk and eat a lot of meat and vegetables!" the redhead crinkled his nose, hiding his own memories of disliking vegetables, but the point got across successfully. The cook stared at the cutely pouting child and the clan head as a small smile appeared, nodding at the encouraging words.

"_Waaah_, you lied! Mean Abarai-san! B-but.. cookies are better.." Taki complained with a sweet, sad voice.

"Nah, they _rot_ your teeth and you get the mean healer to give you _shots_ in your gums before taking your teeth _out_ from the roots!" Renji said with a horror story-telling voice, indulging in the sweetly frightened expressions on the boy's face. He hid behind his dad who nodded in agreement, "And you have to brush a lot too if you want to avoid capt` Unohana,"

"I will, I promise! Please don't call Unohana-san!" he cried and ran away from the kitchen. The three men in the kitchen burst out laughing soon after he'd gone.

"Thank you, Abarai," Byakuya smiled gently and sat up when Renji nodded faintly.

"Would you like something specific for dinner, sirs?" Takeru Takeo, the old chef, asked from behind the counter.

"As long as it's not too spicy, I'm not fussy about anything," Renji answered casually, shrugging. He sat down at the counter, resting with his arms crossed over the marble top.

"Whatever you'll cook is fine, Takeru-san, for me too," taking a deep breath in his chest, Byakuya strolled around the counter and looked in the refrigerator. "I just wanted to know if the items I requested have arrived," he inquired as he observed the spaces in the refrigerator, counting the items in his head.

"Ah, yes. Of course, sir. They're on the top and lower shelves. Do you want me to take them out now?" the grey-haired man asked as he wiped his hands, finally clean from bread dough.

"No, these are exactly those I wanted. I'll take them out later, thank you. You're free to go after dinner," the noble smiled and closed the refrigerator with a small smile, having observed what he needed.

"So, we're starting work tomorrow?" Renji asked when the noble left the kitchen, following closely behind as they went up the stairs.

"Yes. There is much work to be done," Byakuya answered softly and placed his hand on the door-knob, then stopped. "Renji,"

Renji twitched at the use of his name but said nothing. His mind instantly flooded with forgotten memories.. the way his name had been pleaded so many times during the until-recently forgotten night.

"Thank you for acting nice to Taki-chan, he hadn't had enough time to make friends around," turning, he displayed a small, gentle smile that still seemed so strange to Renji as it tugged the corners of his lips upwards. The sight of the beautiful man with a smile reminded Renji how much he used to wish for a display of such an emotion during the decades he'd watched him closely, the way he'd want to moist his lips with his tongue just imagining the noble's expressions. The memories of a willful participant had also come back from the damning night, making Renji drown in the need of seeing those flushed expressions again.

Byakuya noticed the glint in those brown eyes, as reddening glimmers shined in the light of the evening candles spread across the halls, and the widening of black pupils. Swallowing heavily, he willed himself to turn and enter the room to safety before his own body betrayed and remembered him of the mesmerizing and vile acts he'd willingly done with his lieutenant. He hurried to turn and leave but before he could, Renji's hand was upon his left shoulder, pressing over smooth silky strands of long, obsidian hair. The noble froze and he could feel his throat tighten his air canal, making it hard to breathe. He couldn't give in to the damaging lust with a man who hated him so.. but why couldn't he move? He cursed inwardly at himself as the second seemed an eternity in silence.

Abarai walked closer and found himself unable to control his actions. His body rushed to hold the noble's arms again, turning him around in a rush and pushing his hungry mouth over Byakuya's. The trembling grey eyes widened in surprise before closing down tightly, moaning under the heated pair of lips. The noble could feel his body being pushed against the door which unwillingly opened behind him, having twisted the knob by mistake.

The door opened and the redhead clumsily pushed them both inside until the lithe frame stopped harshly against the cherry-wood desk near the bathroom door. Rushed hands tugged at the blue yukata the noble wore while his mouth pressed against soft, rosy lips moaning under his touches.

"C-captain.." Renji managed to whisper between ghosting touches across small hips and back, and open-mouthed kisses deepening into each-other as tongues seductively slid across each-other. He couldn't think of anything but how he wanted the man he hated so much, the intruding memories reminding him of the pure taste of his skin and his kisses.. Everything felt relived as he took in every sigh and moan released from the noble's shivering and sighing mouth.

"R-Renji.. e-enough.." Byakuya managed to plead between returning fervent kisses, hoping Renji wouldn't notice the way his body reacted.

Unfortunately, Renji's right knee pushed to separate the two thinner thighs and moved against the obvious hardness hid between the warm, silky yukata the noble wore. Immediately, a loud gasp released from the older man's mouth as his head was thrown back in pleasure. Sharp teeth took upon that moment the chance to taste the pale skin at the clavicle's hollowed space.

Renji felt the mirrored desire in the lean body and couldn't help but continue feeling him with his needy hands as they pulled to uncover the smaller figure from below. As large, heated hands sneaked in from below the yukata's margins, the cloth shuffled noisily against tanned skin. Reddened bruises were now revealed in the upper part of his chest, also reminding Renji of how they'd gotten there. He remembered the teasing bites.. and it turned him on even more.

Searching hands now found themselves between heated thighs, soft gasps and moans escaping from between moist lips. The older shinigami found his body disregarding rational thought, returning the tugging at the redhead's white, flowery yukata, slowly opening it around the tanned neckline with rushed, delicate fingers. Lost in motions, his hands found themselves wrapped around the lieutenant's widespread shoulders, pulling him closer into the hurried kisses.

Something suddenly resounded in the bathroom behind Byakuya, behind the wall the desk was placed at. The two of them jumped back, separating from each-other in a clumsy flash. Byakuya frantically tugged at his kimono to straighten and re-tie it. Renji licked at his lips, fighting against his hands unwillingness to stop their body-search-like movements. Lustful red eyes stared intently into flushed ashen ones as they caught their breath for a moment. Byakuya interrupted their gaze and turned to open the bathroom door, with shaky breathing. He calmed himself, took a deep breath.. and rolled the ball-like handle between his thin, pale fingers.

His eyes fell on the young child brushing furiously in front of the mirror pinned on the wall. He looked down and saw a small chair under the light-sized boy's feet, to reach higher above the sink. Taki looked to the door, surprised. He grinned sheepishly.

"Taki-chan? Why are you in my bathroom?" Byakuya asked with a small, evident smile on his face. Renji sneaked to look from behind the noble and saw the blushing Byakuya look-alike brush with such a spicy toothpaste that it made him frown.

"I dwon' whanth twoh ghett cawities," the boy muttered with his filled, foamy mouth, "Whanthed twoh twry your ahdult twoothpwaste," Grinning with a mouthful of toothpaste, Taki blushed. Renji started laughing at the sight, and the noble chuckled softly.

"You should use your own age's toothpaste, it's just as efficient and less spicy, Taki-chan," Byakuya explained as he walked closer and turned on the tap for the child to rinse his mouth with cold water.

"Taki, you are pretty brave, my man," Renji grinned and nodded his chin up to him in acknowledgement. Taki rinsed as he held the spicy tingling back as good as he could. A lot of water was necessary until he could calm down.

When Taki finished, he grinned happily, showing his teeth to his dad and saying how he would never, ever get any cavities. He promised to eat less cookies and more vegetables before running to his own room, clutching at his child-sized dragon-type toothbrush. Of course, it was impossible for the child's sweet tooth.. but the intention's what counts, Byakuya thought with a smile tugging at his lips. The noble closed the door after he left.

"He's a good kid," Renji spoke as he sat on the chair near the desk, leaning his cheek on his half-closed palm and his right elbow on the clean desk. Byakuya looked down to the door knob, his back turned to Renji.

"He is," the noble replied softly and his smile disappeared together with the air in his lungs. "Now.. Please, Renji.. leave," Byakuya continued. He didn't want to have what Renji had to offer right now. He didn't consider himself worthy of love anymore, not after his sister died in his arms without his protection. Having Taki, it was more than enough in his mind.. although that also had come at such a heavy price with his parents. His happiness always meant someone else hurting. He wouldn't, couldn't.. give in and be happy.

"No," a small, short, simple answer came from behind him. His grip tightened around the round knob.

"Don't you see? I don't want you here," Kuchiki lied between his down-turned lips, holding back the heavy tension behind his eyes. He took two steps back and pulled the door open in front of Renji. The redhead sighed and got up slowly. Byakuya sighed in relief and slightly leaned on the door as support.

"That's a lie," Renji suddenly said as he reached the door. Pushing his hand on the open door, Renji slammed it closed, bringing shocking surprise back in the noble's glimmering eyes. "You want me just as much, if not more,"

"Please leave," Byakuya repeated, confidence trembling with his words. Renji stared at him and as he went closer, the noble retreated defensively, "I do not wish to be in the arms of a man who hates me."

The truth slid across like lips like water, making Renji stop a few inches before he completely backed him into the corner of his room. "Please leave!"

The tattooed subordinate felt the words come across his face like a slap, feeling the hurt on his skin without the move of a hand. He knew he couldn't have his cake and eat it too. He had to decide between hating and becoming himself again.. but he wasn't ready for the second option yet. Just like his captain still felt guilty for not helping his own sister sooner and more determinedly, Renji also blamed him.. as well as himself. While they still felt these emotions, there was no chance at happiness for either of them.

"Fine. I get it. I'm not yet ready to stop blaming you - nor myself, even though.. I know you tried.. and you're not ready to stop blaming yourself either.. we can't move on to something that we both want and need.. Right?" Renji asked, in a moment of clear thought, despite himself.

The captain stood and stared with a sad look upon his eyes and thin lips, wishing that Renji would leave and that Renji would touch him, all at the same time.. He fought against his body and mind and struggled to keep his resolve. "Yes.. Exactly.." he replied unsure of his own words, but he tried to not let his feelings betray him.

Renji knew his captain felt the same as he did, unsure, and his hand stretched out to touch the smooth, pale cheek of the man. The ink-haired noble moved his head to his left and closed his eyes tight before receiving the teasingly kind touch.

Unable to receive it for fear he might confuse it with forgiveness and love, Kuchiki Byakuya pulled away wordlessly, sharp tension breaking inside of his chest with every lingering second.. but Abarai Renji's hand never touched, for fear he might lose all his resolve and give in to forgiveness.. Two emotions, both sprung out of fear, regret, pain and sadness, they couldn't be more similar and so different at the same time.

"Good night, captain," Renji said with a sad tinge in his voice, and he left the room, his steps resounding in the noble's years just a bit too long. Waking his tightly shut eyes, Byakuya looked with regret towards the broader frame of the fiery lieutenant as he pulled the door open and disappeared behind it.

- }-{ -

Around one o'clock in the morning, Byakuya quietly walked out from the bedroom and headed three doors down from Renji's. Leaving the lights turned off, he entered and sat down on the edge of the small bed.

"Taki-chan," Byakuya whispered as he softly shook the child's right arm. The boy turned sleepily. The noble combed the boy's hair with his fingers and then ghosted over his face until he reached his left cheek. Pinching it slowly and calling his name again, the boy finally opened his eyes. Rubbing at his eyes, he pushed himself up to sit down near his dad.

"_Ummm_... I dreamed I was hunting cookies with a toothpaste zanpakutou.." Taki hummed, mumbling in a sleep haze. Byakuya smiled down at him and ruffled his dark, blue hair again. The kenseikans were out of the child's hair, short hair framing his face and the long braid was hanging behind the small left shoulder.

"I have a surprise for you, Taki-chan," Byakuya explained as the boy's eyes focused more. Sleep slightly disappearing from his blue-colored orbs, Taki focused on the surprise part in the sentence. His eyes widened and a small excited expression replaced his sleepy haze.

"Come with me," the noble walked out and held the door for the child to follow. Soon, they reached the kitchen where Taki had run excitedly ahead, at the hints of his guardian.

"What is it~?" he sang excitedly as he jumped up on the counter stool. Byakuya stepped around the counter and opened the refrigerator in the west side of the kitchen.

"Wait," the parent asked with a soft, gentle voice and leaned in behind the thick white door to take out many, many things. Taki watched curiously as the counter filled with random ingredients, some he knew, some he didn't.

"Are we going to make something, dad?" Taki asked sweetly as he raised to sit his knees on the tall stool, leaning on his elbows to see them better. He energetically bounced on the stool and his eyes shone brightly at the idea. The man nodded and closed the refrigerator.

"I wanted for us to have a bit of fun tonight, and hopefully we can make a habit of doing this together every once in a while, Taki-chan," Byakuya uncharacteristically smiled widely, happy to see the child beaming with joy as he looked over all the ingredients.

"Yay~! This will be so fun!" he yelled out loud happily, knowing that the mansion was empty during the night. "What are we going to make~?"

"Small doughy pies called pizza in the living world, and a moist cream-cheese and chocolate cake," Byakuya answered softly, separating the ingredients for the two recipes. He pushed the sugar, cocoa, eggs, cream cheese, liquid cream and rum essence to the eastern side of the room – Taki's right side, and the flour, salt, sugar, yeast and oil to the other side, followed by tomatoes, bacon, bell peppers, sweet corn, a large piece of hard, yellow cheese and tomato paste and oregano.

"Sounds yummy! Have you ever made them before?" Taki asked curiously when the noble turned to the cabinets to take out a few large bowls, wooden spoons and other utensils.

"No, I haven't," Byakuya answered honestly and hushed with his finger in front of his lips before winking innocently, "so let's hope we don't destroy the kitchen tonight and have fun, alright?" The child chuckled excitedly and nodded his head energetically.

"Now.. I have the recipes from your aunt here, let's see if I can remember how she did it.." lithe, pale fingers carefully scrolled down over the list of ingredients and instructions.

- }-{ -

Renji found himself unable to sleep. Clattering sounds filled the mansion, laughter and curses escaping in between. He had awoken at least an hour ago when the noise had first started. It didn't seem to stop anytime soon. Braving himself to shake off sleep, he threw the warm quilt away and walked out into the chilly hallways.

The sounds became louder as metal scraped against metal, squishy sounds escaped into the air and a loud mixer roared to the max. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Renji walked on the small corridor along the staircase and opened the kitchen door just slightly. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked, a disbelieving frown pressing down over his sleepy eyes. The room was a mess. Taki was leaning over the counter, rubbing a very large wooden spoon at the inside of a wide bowl, something white with dark grainy.. things.. inside. The boy glanced behind and beamed with a happy-filled grin towards the redhead.

On the other side of the counter, the lieutenant saw his captain rubbing the heels of his palms into a doughy round ball. Flour covered almost half the counter, except a small blank spot under the rolling ball. Flour had also reached the nose, chin and some other small places on the noble's face.

"We're making doughy, vegetable covered pies and a chocolate cream cake," Byakuya answered smugly, like it couldn't be more obvious and natural. Renji frowned at the sight of them. Their clothes were covered in sugar, flour, cocoa and what looked like.. chocolate. He walked to the narrow side of the counter, facing the adult and the less adult mess on both sides. Sighing, he pulled the papers that Byakuya was focusing on so intently.

"These are Rukia's recipes of pizza and chocolate cake," Renji mumbled in surprise. He sighed at the memories of his friend cooking happily. He glanced over to the flour-covered captain and rolled his eyes. "Have you ever even watched her do these?"

"Of course, she's made them many times when she came to visit, especially the doughy pies," Byakuya answered seriously, glaring at the man who started laughing.

"I bet she's never been this messy, though, has she?" Renji asked incredulously.

"No.. Rukia was evidently more experienced," Byakuya said with a sad smile. Renji nodded in agreement, remembering the many times the girl cooked with few ingredients that they stole or worked to get for dinner in the poor days of Rukongai.

"Do you want to help, Abarai-san?" Taki asked with a large grin on his face before dipping his index finger in the creamy thing growing in his bowl and tasting it. Making a pleasurable humming sound, the child nodded and shivered with delight. Renji smiled and glanced towards the noble before accepting the offer. Since the noble didn't hint for him to decline, he nodded.

"Sure. So what have you done so far?" he asked and looked over the papers again.

"We put the cake dough in the oven!" the excited answer came from the boy as he sneakily dipped his finger into more cream, pulling it between his small lips and indulging in the perfect mix, "and this is the cream, all done!"

"We've also made the dough for the pies.. although it's not as soft as Rukia's was.." Byakuya added with a confused frown, "I don't know why."

Renji walked over to the sink. He washed his hands and took his captain's place behind the counter, rubbing at the dough with his palms.

"It's all in the wrist movements," he explained looking to the smiling child in front of him. Byakuya observed the movements, hoping to learn how to do it himself.

"So when do you know if it's done?" Taki asked as he stared at the rolling ball of dough. The older noble walked to the sink and cleared his hands from the sticky and oily substance, then washed the tomatoes and bell pepper. He cut the inside of the pepper and walked around the counter to show Taki how to cut it. He gave the boy a knife and taught him to cut thin, curly slices of the pepper split in two halves.

"When it's super smooth, less gooey and lumpy," Renji finished with the dough while the two chopped the vegetables. "It's done. Do you guys want a lot of small ones or two big ones?" Byakuya and Taki hummed in thought, wondering what they'd prefer. The captain looked down to his adopted son.

"A big one and a lot of small ones!" the answer came excitedly, the sliced bell pepper placed in a white plate to the side. Byakuya's neatly sliced tomatoes soon joined the bell peppers. They opened the jar of tomato paste and mixed it with oregano and oil, preparing to smudge it over the pie dough later. It was also poured into a small, white bowl near the other readied ingredients.

"The cake dough has risen," Byakuya checked the oven and tested it with a small toothpick. He gloved his hand and moved the tray to the marble counter. The cake dough soon stood upturned on baking paper and left to rest for a while.

After splitting the pizza dough into two large pieces, they split one of them into halves, Byakuya and Taki working on splitting it in many smaller pieces. Renji showed them how to mold into the dough to get the right thickness and shape the outer edges. Soon, they finished shaping the small balls they'd split it in. Taki and Byakuya's pieces were about the size of a grown-up's palm, round and thin, while Renji's was the size of a large serving plateau. That one rested on the side, in a covered bowl until use. Backing paper was soon covered by the smallest pies and tucked neatly inside the oven at a low temperature to bake them just enough, for only a few minutes.

After half-baking the miniature pies, they all joined in covering them with the smudged pasta sauce and cheese. Soon, bacon and vegetables followed.

"Are you sure we didn't chop them too small?" Taki asked worriedly as they finished placing the small corn pieces over all of them.

"Yeah, it's not the size that matters. It's the taste," Renji explained and glanced over to the noble who shyly looked away and went to wash his hands. "If you chop them small, the flavors get mixed even better, ya` know?" Taki nodded as he listened quietly, taking all the information in.

"Okay, now," Byakuya continued after the two grinned happily and pushed the round pies inside the oven again, at medium heat, "Taki-chan, do you want to spread the cream you mixed over the cake slices?"

"Yay! I do~" the boy excitedly pulled the cream bowl closer. His dad sliced the cooked dough into three thin slices and placed the lower one on a rectangular plate. Moisturing each one at a time with rum essence and butter syrup, they were ready to be filled. Renji stared down into the good-looking cream and couldn't help but snag a taste on his pinky.

"Mm, that's good, Taki," Renji hummed appreciatively, raising surprised eyebrows in pleasant indulgence, "What are those little dots all over?"

"That's thinly shredded chocolate," Taki answered with a large grin. The boy licked his lips, drooling towards the creamy bowl again. As Taki and Renji dove to steal a little more cream, Byakuya's reiatsu flared slightly making them both withdraw their thieving fingers. Glaring at the two with disapproval, he warned to leave enough for the cake as well.

"Alright, alright.." Renji rolled his eyes, hiding the smirk on his lips. Taki chuckled nervously before rapidly stealing another touch of cream, making sure his dad's eyes were on something else as he'd turned to grab a clean spatula.

While they shaped the pizza dough, the table was gradually cleaned, erasing the flour traces behind. Byakuya and Taki had also slightly cleaned their faces from the remaining remains, at the sink, looking at least half proper.

Taki received the spatula from the noble and started to eagerly spread all the cream over the syrup-filled cake slices. After placing one more moist slice and another round of cream, Byakuya finally placed the last one on top and covered the entire rectangular cake with a thick layers of mixed cream.

By the time they finished with the cake, the mini-pizzas were done and the oven's bell announced their completion. Kuchiki placed the good-looking cake inside the refrigerator until they would finish making – and eating - the pizzas.

"They smell super good, don` they?" Renji asked with a smug smirk on his face. Taki nodded, drooling at the savory little pies. Byakuya placed large plates in front of everyone and they each grabbed one. A fresh tomato sauce made by the cook during the day was found in the refrigerator, and they dared to pour a lot over their pieces.

"They're the best pies ever~!" the young child beamed with a happy expression, bulky, filled cheeks showing his impatience at trying the yummy recipe they had all worked on.

"Considering I came in late, I think you guys did a really good job," the redhead continued as he took a bite from a small pie.

"I'm glad you joined us, Abarai-san," the happy reply came from the young Kuchiki. Renji glanced over to his captain who was smiling towards his son. With no sign of hating his presence, Renji smiled and nodded.

"Me too, it was fun," the younger shinigami answered as he placed the rest of his pie on the white, ceramic plate. He poured a heavy amount of sauce over the rest and took another bite, pulling at the stretching cheese, "and call me Renji, shorty." The child nodded with a large grin on his face. The noble smiled and poured a few drops over his pie. They were all seated comfortably around the much cleaner counter. Byakuya and Renji had cleaned the used utensils as they used it, clearing the cluttering mess on the counter.

"I'm glad you both had fun," Byakuya interrupted. He took a knife and fork to his own mini-pizza, and brought a small piece to his lips. Glancing back to the clock on the wall, he saw how late the hour was. "It's already four in the morning, should we leave the larger pizza for tomorrow?"

"I'm gonna be good with these and a slice of cake," Renji answered as he pulled another two small pies on his plate, smearing them completely in tomato sauce. Taki nodded in agreement and did the same as Renji. Byakuya took two for himself as well - though with less sauce, and pushed the plate aside momentarily. He pulled out three small plates and tea-spoons from the cabinet while his second-in-command pushed the large pizza dough in the refrigerator for the next day. With this chance, he also took out the cake and placed it before the noble's seat. He sat again on his own chair.

After they sliced three pieces from the cake - with a lot of excitement on Taki's part, they covered the rest of the mini-pizzas with a thin kitchen towel and turned off the lights. They sat on the porch while they enjoyed the rest of their food and the fresh breeze.

- }-{ -

"Good night, Taki-chan," Byakuya wished his son as he climbed back in bed after a tiring but fun night. Renji waved good-night from behind the noble and the older man pulled softly at the door, as soon as the boy covered himself with the thick, blue, star-painted quilt.

"`Night, dad.. Renji.." the boy mumbled sleepily and immediately drifted to sleep. The door closed without a sound, pale fingers twisting the round knob gently. A soft click disturbed the perfect silence in the mansion.

The captain and his lieutenant turned to leave. They both walked in silence, passing a few more rooms until they reached their own quarters. Without another spoken word, Byakuya entered his own bedroom. With the tension felt when they were left alone, they didn't know how to act around each-other anymore. He glanced over to Renji as the redhead reached the door across his, before slipping inside.

Renji was about to enter his own room when he noticed the half-open door to his captain's room. The captain had already entered. He turned fully, staring for a moment, thinking. A small smile appeared over his chocolate-flavored lips.

Finally taking the hint, he slowly opened the door and slipped inside.

The lock clicked shut behind his lower back.

* * *

...

I hope you like the chapter as much as I loved writing it ^^ .. and I know original characters aren't very loved (hell, I dislike original characters usually, too) but I hope you like sweet, young Taki-chan and that you can imagine him the way that I do ^_^

Please review? Thank you so much for reading~

..p.s. those are my favorite recipes. the cake is suuuper, extraordinarily yummy and moist, creamy and perfect so if you want the recipe, it's easy to do and you won't be sorry :D let me know if you wanna try it~!


	3. Infested waters

**Summary****: ** The plan to rescue Rukia has failed. Renji got sent to the hospital in critical condition before being imprisoned for seven months for attacking his captain until Byakuya gets him released into his custody. Renji gets drunk and even with his captain whom he now hates for letting Rukia die. Lots of nosebleeds to be had, blood boiling and anger issues to go through by the end of each chapter. Not to mention that terrifying characters take advantage of their pain.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story, they belong to Noriaki Kubo. I have just used the characters for my own twisted imagination and storyline. I only own the plot.. Well, I hope you'll like it ^^

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**Words that you may meet along and you might not know what they mean** _(they will only be used in a few places, not all over; Sometimes the english versions fit the dialogue and descriptions better)_**:**

**Reiatsu **- Spirit particles (energy that Soul Society and human spirits are made of)

**Rukongai** - the village outside of Soul Society

**Zanpakutou **- Reiatsu infused swords belonging to those in the thirteen squads of Seireitei, posessed by spirits that help the shinigami bring out their powers

**Kenseikan** - long, silver hair bobbins pieces (intricate silver nobility heirloom that rests on Byakuya's hair in this case); In a guest appearance, they will be tall, X-shaped, three pieces one next to the other across many braided strands of blue hair. Read to see who wears them here :)

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**STORY TYPE:**

**Yaoi/Gay relationships** - Very detailed - do not read if you're anti-gay or whatever, your loss, don't shove complaints down my throat; You have been warned.

**Drama** - Rukia has died (or has she?.. read to find out!). Her rescue plan in the Ryoka Invasion arc has failed . Renji was sent to the hospital in critical condition and Ichigo was banished, to stay the human world only as a substitute and never to return. Guilt and blame rule the hearts and minds of many.

**Humor** - A few moments and scenes to cool things down. I like contrast.

**Angst** - There will be plenty.

**Sexual content** - There will be an exaggerated amount of detailed scenes, just to soothe my heart and soul. Now, _this_ is the most supreme warning. Do not blame me for tainting your pure little sparkly eyes *ruffles your hair* I will merely hand you a tissue should you nosebleed. I will keep my guilt-free mind-frame, thank you very much.

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Character descriptions:

**Kuchiki Byakuya** - Captain of 6th Division in the Gotei 13. Long, black hair, tall, slate grey eyes. Wears intricate hair clips called kenseikan (three on the top of his head and two on his right side above his ear) to show his noble heritage. He always wear white hand-guards - tekkou - on the back of his hands, a standard captain uniform with a white haori and until recently, he wore a long, white heirloom scarf that was worth the price of at least eight estates in Seireitei. Graceful, polite, respected, feared and seemingly cold towards everyone. He always looks calm and serious, never to show his expressions unless it is a very special case.. like getting utterly annoyed. His sword transforms into a thousand pink Sakura petals that are sharper than a normal sword, at his will to manipulate against his enemies, and as fast as he wants.

**Abarai Renji** - Lieutenant of 6th Division in the Gotei 13, second-in-command to Kuchiki Byakuya. Redhead (hair like dark fire), tall, brown eyes with a red tinge; His long hair is usually tied in a high, spiky ponytail or - more rarely - loose on his shoulders, almost reaching his waist when untied. Tanned, well-trained body full of tribal tattoos, given to him by his zanpakutou for his achievements (at least in my story). Rude and fiery, sometimes hyper, always slightly irresponsible, hot-headed and battle-type hungry. He's only polite when he's in front of his captain whom he admires the most, Kuchiki Byakuya.. although not in this case. His sword becomes a very large almost mechanical, bone-looking snake that shoots reiatsu from its mouth and can disassemble into many pieces while still under Renji's control. He wears a maroon bandanna over the tattoos on his forehead.

**Soundtrack suggested:** _We are the ocean - Now and Then/ The birthday massacre - Red stars_.. the first song quietly provided the mood that made it able for me to write Byakuya's scenes and emotions, and the second helped as well towards the editing/correcting part where I usually spend hours rewriting and adding several pages..

I highly suggest playing them in the background~

_Enjoy reading! ^^_

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Chapter 3

...

..

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_"`Night, dad.. Renji.." the boy mumbled sleepily and immediately drifted to sleep. The door closed without a sound, pale fingers twisting the round knob gently. A soft click disturbed the perfect silence in the mansion._

_The captain and his lieutenant turned to leave. They both walked in silence, passing a few more rooms until they reached their own quarters. Without another spoken word besides 'Good-night', Byakuya entered his bedroom. With the tension felt when they were left alone, they didn't know how to act around each-other anymore. He glanced over to Renji as the redhead reached the door across Byakuya's. _

_Renji was ready to enter his own room when he noticed the half-open door to his captain's room, the captain disappearing inside. He turned fully, staring for a moment, curiously. A small smile appeared over his chocolate-flavored lips._

_Finally taking the hint, he slowly opened the door and slipped inside. _

_The lock clicked shut behind his lower back._

- }-{ -

"Good morning, captain Kuchiki!" Rikichi yelled out happily, followed by the rest of the squad. They all bent down to bow respectfully, filled with excitement as they noticed the second-in-command following closely behind. Byakuya returned the greeting softly and continued to head towards the building to the right side of the gate.

"Welcome back, lieutenant Abarai!" The squad members all surrounded Renji who greeted them back happily.

The noble walked straight ahead like nothing grazed his attention, focused on reaching his office and starting work on time.

Ever since he'd once again woken to a sleeping redhead next to him, he had quietly avoided Renji. He'd first ran to the shower and prepared his outfit, then left the room. Renji had joined him for breakfast where he kept peaking towards him and tried small talk, but the older man avoided his gaze at all times. He forced himself not to blush when the most recent memories invaded his head. They had shared a bed again, and this time it hadn't been just rough indulgence that lead to the inability to think and hurt. This had been different. This had been much more than that.. but what exactly, he wasn't sure.

It had been more careful, more sensual, more caring.. It was enough to fool the captain into feeling guilt-free and immensely lost in emotions.. That very fact had made him feel even worse in the morning when he'd realized it. Forgiving himself for even a few hours felt betraying to Rukia, he thought, yet he couldn't stop it from happening. He longed for it with every breath his very lungs drummed to draw in.

Sighing, he entered his office and walked around his desk. The door remained open in his track.

"Captain Kuchiki," the ninth seat Mihane Shirogane bowed after knocking three times on the open door. He recognized the voice so he didn't need to turn and look. Instead, he browsed through the 'In progress' cabinet behind his desk, near his window.

"What is it, officer Shirogane?" he asked calmly before slipping three slim fingers around a thin stack of papers and pulling it out. Turning around, he could see his officer was slightly nervous. Nothing new there. The light-brown-haired young shinigami fretted around her pair of rectangle shaped glasses, moving them up and down on her nose.

"Umm.. Sir.. Captain Kurotsuchi Mayuri of the Twelfth division looked for you two days ago but requested I do not inform you of it before you return to the office. I apologize for not letting you know sooner," the girl spoke shyly, paying close attention to her captain's reaction. She hoped to not get reprimanded for the delay.

He remembered the man's arguments at the meeting where Renji's release had been discussed and glared towards Mihane unintentionally. "Kurotsuchi Mayuri? Did he mention what he was here about?"

"No, sir, but captain Kurotsuchi's reiatsu had a purple tinge to it and he seemed excited. I found it suspicious, as it felt very unnerving. I don't think he visited with good intentions," the girl explained as she now fidgeted with her left sleeve, looking up shyly to her captain.

"Do not worry. He has and never will have any good intentions, only what will serve him in one way or another. I will find out what he wants and deal with it." Byakuya replied as he finally sat down at his desk. The thin stack of papers were gently placed next to the ink bottle. "Please move the training sessions to the inner training grounds instead of the river-side area. That is all. Dismissed."

"Consider it done, sir," the young officer replied and bowed respectfully. Mihane walked out, closing the door behind and shutting out the sun.

The office slightly sunk in a dark brown light.

- }-{ -

Renji entered the office an hour later after work had already started. The man was at the squad and still late on his work, the captain couldn't help but muss over in the privacy of his mind. Kuchiki ignored his presence and continued to write beautiful,flowing kanji on the documents, requesting more squad missions after his and Renji's official return. For the past seven months, their squad had dealt with human realm missions in a far lesser number than usual. It was time to change that, and it would probably be a good distraction, he concluded.

"Hey, captain," Renji greeted him again as he calmly stepped around his own desk, adjacent to the captain's. The noble ignored his presence and got up to pick up more folders, placing the ones he'd finished in a different cabinet.

"I just met the fifty newest recruits. They look like they can't wait to get their asses kicked in training. I will take care of the training sessions in the afternoon later, " Renji said excitedly, grinning. His night had been relaxing and his morning much less sour than usual, leading him to be in a better mood than only a week before. And now, seeing his fellow officers and returning to a familiar place again.. That had also helped. He'd been welcomed back better than he thought, considering he happened to fight several of them during the time he'd gone out to help Ichigo save Rukia. Finding out they didn't hold it against him, it helped him feel a large portion of relief.

"I also saw that they're building new floors on the eastern barracks. Didn't realize we had that many members already, huh.."

The captain continued writing, focusing on his caligraphy. He merely hummed and nodded in reply to the lieutenant's words.

Abarai's left eye twitched with annoyance. He felt like nobody heard him.

"And the sun still shines and the grass still grows.." Renji glared, trying to see if the captain was listening to anything he was saying. The captain nodded and hummed in agreement again. Renji couldn't take it anymore. Enough ignoring had gone on ever since they'd woken up.

"Are you ignoring me, _captain_?" the redhead couldn't help but ask loudly. He chewed on a red vine candy received from Rikichi as a welcoming back present. A large, rectangular, spectacularly colorful bag spread out in front of him, several red vines hanging out at the open end, clashing with the golden and blue displays on the bag. Placing his right cheek on his forearm as if he were sleeping on the desk, the lieutenant glanced sideways to the raven-haired noble. He silently waited for a reply.

"Don't start imagining things, Abarai," Kuchiki answered eventually, "and I would appreciate it if you started working instead of lingering around uselessly. There are more than enough cases to be read and dealt with. If not, go train the newest recruits since you are in such a good mood today."

"You're totally ignoring me," Renji insisted and sighed lazily. "You know, this isn't easy for me either. I don't know if I wanna fucking kill you or just_ bed you_.." he muttered under his breath, hoping the captain didn't hear the second part. It was pretty easy to notice that his wish didn't come true when the noble turned and glared intently towards him. Renji turned his head, and hid his face between his crossed arms, sighing.

"Stand up, Abarai. Now." Byakuya's tone raised, reiatsu fluctuating his aura slightly. His anger flared from deep inside his chest. It was one thing for Renji to talk to him like that in the private of their home but it was another thing to disrespect him in the sacred space of his squad. _His_ squad.. where only thin walls and many officers surrounded them beyond at least three sides, if you counted out the living quarters attacked to the single office building in the right side.

"Yes, sir.." Renji sluggishly got up. His neatly ironed uniform crinkled slightly around the sleeves from his lazy form. Byakuya walked around the desk and signaled Renji to stand in front of him. The second-in-command presented himself to the spot in a few seconds.

"Do _not_ be mistaken, lieutenant. I promised I will not ever again raise my hands and sword against you, but this doesn't mean you can speak so rudely out of term whenever you wish. Things are different _here_ than at home, I want to make that perfectly and painfully clear. Between these walls, wrong me again, and as your superior I will enter you for a paid vacation in hell at the hands of either Zaraki Kenpachi as a training doll or Kurotsuchi Mayuri as a lab rat! Am I clear enough, lieutenant?" Kuchiki byakuya spoke threateningly. The harsh, whispered tone entered tanned ears, succesfully alarming the lieutenant as the captain leaned in slightly. Ink-like strands of hair softly grazed Renji's left cheek coldly. "I said, am I _clear_?"

"Yes, captain," Renji finally answered, swallowing dryly. He looked his captain straight in the eye and kept his chin down.

"Now move your feet, we have a visit to make," Byakuya announced loudly as he grabbed his sword from the hanger on the right panel of his desk. Black rivers of kosode flowed behind the captain as he elegantly advanced under the sunny autumn sky, leaving the grey quarters behind.

Renji quickly followed, feeling slightly empty when he reached for his own sword and realizing it wasn't there. It still stood confined in the fourth division's vault.

"Where are we going?" Renji asked curiously as they exited from under the main gate. His captain smirked mischievously.

"Kurotsuchi Mayuri's laboratory," the answer made the redhead shiver coldly. He couldn't stand the man.. for good reason, too.

"Gah! I'm sorry captain, I should've kept my mouth closed! Please don't leave me at the Research Laboratory!" the lieutenant panicked comically when he remembered the many times the strange man had tried to examine and experiment on him and all the other lieutenants. Many of them had ended up worse than when they'd gone to get something fixed.. as last resorts, no less. The man was literally crude and torturous, Renji had experienced it for the past seven months in more ways than he would've liked. The sickening so-called scientist thought of nobody as more than an experiment – even himself, since he'd experimented frequently on his own body as well. Everyone hated him.

"Don't worry, Abarai," Kuchiki Byakuya said calmly, with a small, wicked smirk on his lips, "I won't leave you there,_ for now_. After all, I'm not sure the captain would appreciate your presence seeing as he was opposed to your release after all."

"Really? Well, that was to be expected.. He's an ass," Renji muttered under his breath again, making Byakuya remember the earlier misconduct in the office.

"That makes two of your species," the captain concluded and sighed. Renji's lips twitched to sneer in annoyance. He bit his inner left cheek to keep quiet and followed obediently. Shoving his hands in his kosode's right pocket, Renji pulled out another red vine from the package and chewed on it.

- }-{ -

It took thirty minutes to reach the Shinigami Research and Development Institute and five more going down the circular stone staircase going deep underground to the laboratories.

The noble was well aware that the laboratories were where the mad scientist loved to spend his time, despite the fact that his squad had somehow gained a pretty large piece of land for their barracks. That had probably been because he always had a lot of sacrificial officers, infused with bombs to send after opponents should the need arise. The hair on his arms raised when he remembered reading the battle report from the fight of Uryu Ishida and Kurotsuchi Mayuri seven months ago. The man had no honor, Byakuya thought, using his subordinates as worthless tools.. A total disregard to life, spiritual and otherwise.

"Captain Kuchiki?" Nemu asked, surprised at the noble's presence in front of her desk. She got up, straightening her short, black hakama skirt and bowed respectfully, placing gentle palms one over the other in front of her lap in proper pose. The artificially built gigai 'daughter' of the mad scientist regarded others with respect, unlike her creator. Renji nodded in greeting as he looked at her work-filled desk outside the captain's office.

"Good day, lieutenant Kurotsuchi," Kuchiki greeted the introverted young girl. Her usually neat hair stood slightly ruffled, probably from the amount of running around she'd done for her captain. A few strands escaped the long, dark braid falling down her back. "I am here to visit captain Kurotsuchi,"

"I will let captain Mayuri know you are here," Nemu bowed shortly again and walked through the short corridor painted in white, leading to the captain's office. Byakuya nodded and stayed on the spot. He couldn't help but wonder why, even after she'd been so abused and mistreated in so many ways by her creator-type father, she would still continue to refer to him in such a soft voice. It was rare to see her smile faintly and he had always noticed her withdrawn presence and melancholic eyes, lacking any emotions. Byakuya remembered how many times he'd wondered if others saw him like he saw her.. It somehow sharply stung at his chest every single time. Sighing audibly, he forgot Renji stood by his side.

"Captain?" Renji asked as he saw Nemu disappear through the faint blue double-doors at the end of the short corridor.

"It's nothing. I need some sleep." Byakuya lied as he looked to the faint scratches on the used wooden desk.

"We can rest at your room in the squad quarters tonight if you're too tired to walk back to the estate, captain," the redhead offered, pushing his mean thoughts into the background corner of his mind, despite trying to escape rosy lips. Renji cursed at himself. It wasn't like he didn't want to let go of his own hatred, it just wasn't easy. So he ignored the thoughts that yelled out the man deserved to feel even worse, and focused on staying nice and.. think positive. The entire night together had certainly become a good reason to try and change. The captain had more sides to him than the old version, and Renji wanted to know and observe all of them. That.. that sort of felt like being a stalker considering he'd done enough observing for more than forty years, Renji thought.. He shook his head and ignored the amusing thought.

"We will discuss it later," the noble retorted calmly when Kurotsuchi Mayuri walked out from his office. The smug look on the scientist's face seemed to increase when he met the noble's eyes. Byakuya felt disgusted when he found himself the focus of the man's attention but the golden pair of eyes soon moved their focus towards the sixth squad's second-in-command.

"It is against the law to attack a captain. To do so is treason," the scientist recited one of their sacred, written laws, hoping to rile the lieutenant from the start. Renji's eyes boiled with murderous intent as he remembered the many times the scientist had come to inflict the whippings no other captain had accepted to take on. It was the duty of _a_ captain to punish the one who broke such a specific law, and nobody else but the man enjoyed inflicting pain such as Mayuri. Not even Kenpachi, who only liked pain dealt to strong opponents who could fight back.. and most definitely not even in the least Kuchiki Byakuya who had strongly refused to punish his own subordinate.

"If it were up to me, you'd still be rotting in prison, you mutt! It's sad that a man in such a high, respectable position from one of the four noble families lowered himself to risk his status and request a criminal's release like nothing ever happened," Mayuri spit out in disgust, hoping he would offend two people at once. It wouldn't be fun otherwise. Grinning inwardly, he observed the anger in the redhead's eyes.

Renji felt anger boiling deep from within as he listened to the harsh words. Still, he kept quiet. He knew it was true. He also knew he had never taken a moment to appreciate the risk taken, having only focused on other points of view. Perhaps he needed to broaden his horizons, Renji momentarily thought.

"I believe that matter has been dealt with and closed," Byakuya calmly interrupted the short moment of silence and glaring from lieutenant to scientist. He once again took first place in the golden eyes' focus, "One of my officers said you wanted to see me, Mayuri. As much as I _don't_ appreciate your small talk, I would prefer to know what your visit was about. I don't have time to waste on idle thoughts."

The scientist's sneer increased before a grin fully replaced it, golden eyes glimmering with evident mischief, "It is something I think you will wish to talk about in private. How about I prepare a tea for us both while we discuss, minus the presence of your lap dog here, of course?" he asked with a calm tone, disregarding the angry, red shimmer in the brown eyes of the young, male lieutenant.

"Very well," Kuchiki answered and followed as the black and white-painted man led them through the small corridor. He dreaded the thought of drinking anything the other offered, knowing very well that the scientist would undoubtedly try to infect him with all kinds of experimental bacteria for his own purposes - such were the man's habits. With a plan to refuse anything to drink, Byakuya followed the strange doctor inside.

The walls of the office were covered with screens up to the ceiling, on three walls, all except the one they'd come in and a narrow door to the nearest left corner. Within the wide space, the center in the room was where two white, square looking couches stared across each-other over a small rectangular, metallic-built coffee table.

"I am surprised that you, as a clan head of one of the four _noble_ families of Soul Society would _lower_ yourself _so_ deeply as to release a subordinate who has dared to break one of our sacred, written laws, against you no less," Mayuri spoke with a disgusted tone while he headed to grab the kettle on the small table and pour into small cups. The noble elegantly and slowly took a place across the table. "And still, somehow, your squad is regarded as a shining example for all of the Gotei 13 squads. That is so disappointing," the doctor continued in a harsh voice.

Facing the captain of the twelfth division as he sat down, Kuchiki stayed calm despite the boiling emotions in the pit of his stomach. He thanked the heavens for his calm mask, for he momentarily felt like ripping the throat of the man who had just insulted - subtly - his nobility, and very obviously his squad and his honor.

"I have no interest in carrying out small talk with you, captain Kurotsuchi," the raven-haired captain retorted with a dark glint in his eyes, making it obvious that he wanted this to be a short visit, "Get to your point, if you are able to stop yourself from spouting useless sentences out of the orifice you call a _mouth_."

"You've become too soft, captain Kuchiki, if my words _rile_ you so," Mayuri smirked, satisfaction clear in his voice and on his face. He like churning up the worst emotions in people, both intentionally and unintentionally, "But very well, let's get to the point." A small pause allowed the underground silence to fill the room.

"The necklace around your dog's throat is what I wished to discuss with you the other day," the madman continued as he pushed a tea-cup towards the noble's table side. He sat down calmly. The raven-haired captain stayed silent and observed the scientist, hoping to find out what he wanted faster, then leave. "You probably don't know who created that sealing system. I will make it clear that it was I, first of all, and I know it better than anyone,"

"Captain Unohana has already explained the limits of two hundred meters between guardian and prisoner, and the dangers of it, if that is what you're getting at," Byakuya continued when the doctor paused to drink the vile green liquid in the short, white cup.

"I am the only one aware of all the precious systems embedded in such a beautiful, delicate machinery, captain Kuchiki," Mayuri placed his cup on the table and a small clank resounded in the wide space of the creepy, ghost-like office."What I am about to say, Unohana is not even aware of, nor is anyone else for that matter,"

"Which is?" Byakuya asked curiously, sensing a creeping headache pounding at his temples.

"Besides the fact that it will seal reiatsu in proportion of ninety percent, it also has a surveillance system embedded," Mayuri answered frankly and proudly, leaning back on his couch and tossing his left arm over it. Crossing his left leg over his other, Mayuri grinned while he waited for the noble to process the words. A long moment yet again revealed how silent it could be so deep underground.

"A surveillance system?" Kuchiki eventually repeated questioningly, "What do you wish to say, captain Mayuri?" he asked again, hoping that it didn't mean what he thought.

"It means exactly what you think it does, captain Kuchiki," the doctor answered smugly and chuckled mischievously, staring straight into panicked, widened ashen eyes.

After a long pause and a heavy breath barely entering his racing chest, the sixth captain's squad dared to voice a thought. "That means you've seen.. us.. What do you plan to _do_ with this information? I imagine you want something from me, otherwise you wouldn't have come to my office."

"Haha, captain Kuchiki, I wasn't sure one hundred percent of what happened but you've just confirmed it for me," Kurotsuchi laughed dryly, " Thank you for that. I forgot to mention that my little creation only records strings of reiatsu, not entire images, but now I am even more satisfied that my suspicions have been confirmed," the man continued, moving his palms as he talked. "The device records the distance and mixing of reiatsu in case the prisoners try to get rid of the seal with someone else's help, _and_ your spiritual energy was almost absorbed into the device as well, considering the.. very, very _close_ .. _physical_ proximity."

The noble stood petrified, realizing the mistake he'd done. His heart thumped hard in his chest, knowing he'd just offered such a critical mistake on a silver plate to the vile man.

"Not to worry, I do not plan to do anything with the recordings, nor about your very, very sickeningly _shameful_ secret," the words seemed to calm the noble slightly as he glared shamefully into wicked, golden eyes. Kuchiki's thin, long fingers tightened around the inside of his kosode and underkimono sleeves, tugging so tightly it felt like blood would seep out from under his fingernails. "I am however curious as to which one of you ruffled the other's feathers, if you know what I mean. It is quite intriguing.. but never-mind that."

"What do you want?" Byakuya struggled to speak calmly, despite his wrath-filled interior. He ignored the rude hint of a question.

"I need a few of your men for my experiments. Due to the unfortunate.. _mm_.. _sacrifices_ seven months ago, I'm afraid my recruitment numbers have been.. less than desirable. I need pigs to experiment on, and yours will do just fine. I have a new, exceptionally painful experiment to test,"

"Declined." Byakuya answered as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. So that's what it was all about, he thought. "My men are not going to serve as your pigs, their lives are their own. Find something else to experiment on."

"Unacceptable_!" _the older man yelled loudly with his hoarse voice, "I have already tried all other solutions, and I insist that at least someone from your squad feels the repercussions of the captain's shameful actions," Mayuri spoke smugly, with a subtle threatening tinge to his words. "After all, the one regarded as the most honorable noble in Soul Society and leader of the exemplified squad should pay for his wrong-doings in the very least. Isn't that right, _captain_ Kuchiki? After all, if this got out, I assume you would end up in prison, as well as shame your men and lose your captain status. I doubt anyone would respect a captain who lets his lieutenant _ruffle_ his feathers.. That is what happened, isn't it? Hilarious situation as I see it," Mayuri laughed loudly. "I wouldn't mind that outcome, to be honest, but we can use this _opportunity_ to help each-other instead."

The Kuchiki clan head took a long, deep breath and a moment to think of a solution. A deep sigh escaped his slightly open lips and his body relaxed slightly as he thought of the only possible way to resolve this. A small sacrifice had to be made in order to not dishonor himself, his clan and his squad. Sighing, he came to a conclusion. There was only one real possibility.

If anyone from his squad had to bear his acts, then he knew who that had to be. The sole responsible for the mistakes that caused this meeting to happen.

"Very well. I shall take the place of my officers," he said, determined to keep the situation under his control, at least to a certain degree. Mayuri grinned madly, golden eyes glimmering with delight.

"_Yesss_.. That should be more than satisfactory.. I've never had a captain as a guinea-pig," the scientist laughed, slithering his words like a snake preparing to indulge in a very fat, live dinner. The obvious excitement in his golden eyes and voice sent shivers down the noble's back, making him tremble in disgust.

"This will stay between us if I help you with your experiment, Mayuri? Do I have your word?" the trembling ashen-eyed captain asked to confirm before he accepted to have his body tormented and broken.

"You have my word. There is no need for worry, I will not need your presence for more than three weeks considering you have captain-level reiatsu. This will shorten the time of my experiment greatly,"

"And after that? Will you give me the reiatsu recordings and still remain quiet about what you've learned?" Byakuya asked as he sat up suddenly, looking down to the excited madman.

"Of course. My lips will be sealed," Mayuri grinned with satisfaction written clear on his face. Things had turned out better than he thought. "Would you like to start tomorrow? Once we start, your presence will be required three times, daily."

"Start now. I wish to get this over with as soon as possible," Byakuya answered and saw Mayuri signal him to follow towards the inner laboratory to the west side of his office.

"As you wish. Come by yourself tonight around seven o'clock, as my lieutenant is taking care of some other issues right now, but from tomorrow morning, I will send her to your side to gather the data and give you the necessary dosage. She will also visit you at noon and evenings. I'm sure you can tell her where you'll be at all those times so she can find you.

I must say, I admire your dedication to your pride, captain Kuchiki," Mayuri spit out smugly, intending to offend as he hinted crudely to the younger captain's secret.

"I didn't realize your experiment involved me having to stand your disgusting small talk, Mayuri," the noble shot out, hoping the man to get the idea and stop talking before he'd lose his temper.

"Like I've said, you've become too soft, captain," the scientist laughed, "My words never before riled you so,"

"And this is the last time they do, so explain what this is all about and start doing what you need to. I do not wish to be here more than I have to. The very air you breath is toxic as it exits your artificial lungs."

"Ha ha ha," Kurotsuchi Mayuri laughed loudly, delighted at the reactions he received for his taunts, "I always did enjoy your insults. Of course, as you wish. Let's start. This is an experiment with compressing reiatsu, to make room for several times as much. Of course, shinigami shouldn't be able to handle more than they are already built of, as you well know. Their high limits are what calls upon the zanpakutou spirits. I wish to increase the number of zanpakutou that one user can carry by increasing the amount of reiatsu their bodies can sustain."

"That is impossible. There can't be two separate spirits per user, nor can there be two users per sword. You know very well that if the case happens, the users would have to fight among themselves for the honor to wear the zanpakutou, and the loser would have to die. It's in the written law. It should - more or less - be the same for the swords. No user should or be able to have the right to wear two zanpakutou spirits. And I do not mean the joined kind of spirits in one sword like Abarai's, I mean what you're trying to go with entirely separate entities," Byakuya explained and frowned at the unnerving ideas. If this was successful, this could help the shinigami.. but it was simply impossible and though unspoken, probably close to illegal.

"Not to worry, I've already finished more than half of my work on this subject, since I have already reached the experimental stage. This is the part that will show if this can work or not. We will have to wait and see."

"This is ridiculous.. Do as you wish," Byakuya held his left arm out when Mayuri grabbed a green-acid filled syringe and shuffled the noble's kosode sleeve away from the inside of his elbow.

"It is the very reason it is called an experiment. You won't know unless you try. That very fact is what makes science so very beautiful," Mayuri answered as he pushed the needle through the soft, pale skin. The raven-haired clan head shut his eyes as he felt the thick needle pierce his arm and the liquid slowly seep into his warm veins like freezing acid.

"What will happen should the experiment fail?" Kuchiki asked through gritting teeth. Mayuri's grin widened and eyes glimmered excitedly.

"You will die, of course," the calm answer escaped the white-painted lips like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Well, _that_, or forever lose most of your reiatsu and the ability to perform your duty as a shinigami."

The noble's eyes widened and he looked away, frowning and clamming his jaw shut. Piercing ashen eyes stared into space.

"But don't worry, that will not happen until the experiment is complete. You would need the specific amount of sixty-three infusions to either be successful, die or lose the very thing that makes you the captain that you are. If you decide to stop before you finish, your original reiatsu will destabilize itself and you will die in less than a day.. but I guess the ship has already sailed on that matter as you've already taken in the first dose. Oh, well, not that it matters. One way or another, it should be interesting to wait and see what happens, don't you think?"

"You have a sick mind, Mayuri Kurotsuchi," Byakuya said, biting his lower lip as Mayuri released the empty syringe to fall on the metallic, hospital-type bed he sat on. The scientist placed a small cotton swab on the inside of the pale elbow before the captain held it out on his own. The lithe body could feel the cold, stinging liquid travel hurtfully below his skin. A small bruise appeared under the swab as soon as he threw it away.

"We are done for now. The next dose is tonight at seven o'clock. Be here around that time," Mayuri explained clearly and turned to the door.

The noble sat up from the bed and walked out, passing the cruel scientist on the way. He didn't stop until he completely got out of the office, leaving the blue double doors open behind him and heading towards Renji.

Nemu walked to the office to close the door. She noticed the abandoned cups on the table and entered to clean.

"Ah, I seem to have forgotten to warn him about the side-effects, ha ha," Mayuri muttered to himself, laughing happily as he walked to the rolling chair. He faced his large, data-filled monitors with a large grin on his face. Nemu stared at him and cocked her head to the left, observing the happy captain. Mayuri noticed her presence as the young girl entered inside to gather the tea cups and rinse them before putting them aside.

"Don't be completely useless, Nemu! Go work on the files I requested this morning. Hurry the hell up!" the scientist stood up and kicked the young girl several times to make her rush.

"Understood," the girl shyly held tight to the tray as she ran out to do as ordered.

"Gods, this is turning out to be such a good day!" Mayuri exclaimed loudly, filled with excitement.

- }-{ -

"Finished your talk, captain?" the redhead asked curiously. The young man noticed the angered noble's frown and followed him when the superior walked away in a rush, ignoring his question. He noticed the female lieutenant head towards the office then turned his attention back to his captain. A few drops of glimmering sweat slid across the older shinigami's temple.

"Move, Abarai," Kuchiki answered with a loud, harsh and annoyed tone, "We have work to do,"

"Yes, sir," Renji replied more to himself than anyone. He couldn't help but wonder what the whole meeting was about, and how had Mayuri managed to tense his captain so visibly. The noble didn't have even a tiny hold on his usual mask, letting the emotions run freely all the way to the top of the stairs when they walked out from the underground passage. The calm mask partially reclaimed his place on the noble's face once they were among other people again. It calmed Renji to see his captain back in control of himself, even if not fully. The changes hadn't been too obvious if anyone else had watched the noble go through them, but for the lieutenant, they were as clear as thunder.

Renji knew what the crinkled lines between the captain's eyebrows meant, despite being so very subtle. He recognized the way the lips curled up at the corners, but so far from a smile. He recognized the drumming sound of the narrow chest rushing to walk faster, determined to burn out the unwanted emotions.

Renji knew it all.

- }-{ -

They were back in the safety and tranquility of their squad's area in no time, at the captain's hurried pace. After slamming the gate open and scaring a few officers and recruits in the process, with his flaring, reddening reiatsu, Kuchiki Byakuya walked past them all. Reaching his sacred hideout and personal space, he shut the door behind him. Everything had quieted in his track.

Renji remained outside to start the second half of training sessions in the day. He knew it was better to stay away from the office for a while, at least until the reiatsu stopped fluctuating so dangerously. The recruits started to whisper among themselves and other seated officers, asking why the captain was so alarmingly annoyed today.

"Hey. New guys," Renji called out loudly, "If you have time to talk, you'd better use it to train instead. That is, unless you want to eat dirt by the time I'm done with you, am I understood?" he asked harshly, interrupting them from their little chat. Just because Renji didn't have his sword, it didn't mean he couldn't find other ways to tear them down, one at a time, until they could hardly stand. There were plenty of bokken practice swords around or hand-to-hand combat.

"We're sorry, lieutenant. We've just never seen the captain like that, that's all," a braver girl in the back replied, hoping to lessen the punishment they seemed to be about to deal with.

"We've never seen the captain like that either," an older, blond, spiky-haired male officer added out loud, "Did something bad happen, Abarai?"

"_Naahh_, Miyagara. The cap` just had a meeting with the crazy shithead from squad twelve, you know how annoying that captain is. Leave it alone," Renji answered, hoping to lessen the worry in his squad mates, "You know that guy pisses everyone off one way or another. He kills his own subordinates for kicks, for god's sake."

More whispers and hushed sentences started to rumble together as everyone agreed and several head nodded. Despite still being slightly riled from their curiosity, they all lined up in several long rows and prepared to start their training in groups according to Renji's orders.

- }-{ -

Orange color tones danced among blue and purple streaks across the sky as the sun slowly traveled down behind the mountains to rest.

The squad's members all stood sprawled on the dry, dusty ground in front of the main office quarters and barracks. Besides labored breathing and messy limbs, the only sounds echoing in the background were the hammers pounding down nails at the new, emerging apartment floor adjacent to the main office.

Renji stood on the porch staircase, supporting his elbows on his knees and looking up at the beautiful evening sky. He leaned back and freed his ruffled hair, re-tying it all up again. He was covered in dirt and scratches as he'd worked everyone's asses off, first on group battles and one-on-one's while the groups never stopped on the side. The switching rotation had been a good idea to tire out the new recruits personally.

Several bamboo, bokken wooden swords stood tossed to the side, torn in pieces. Jumping down over the few steps, Renji kicked the bokken into a large pile for the new recruits to clean up later, and went up the staircase to enter the office.

"Captain?" the lieutenant called out, seeing the captain wasn't at his desk. He turned to look to the right side behind the door. The entrance to the captain's dormitory stood slightly open. Walking closer, he peaked inside. The captain was resting on the fur-covered couch, probably asleep. "Sir?"

"What is it, Renji?" Byakuya more mumbled than anything, less than elegant even in Renji's eyes.

"It's six o'clock. We finished training. The recruits are going to clean up. Do you wish to rest here tonight? I can tell the recruits to prepare the bath in the joint area if you want-,"

"No. I have another meeting with Mayuri at seven. I can't leave you behind because of the distance limiter, as you well know," the noble explained and stood up half-way, resting his back on the soft couch headrest.

"May I ask what the meetings are about, sir?" Renji asked. He couldn't help noticing the dark area around the unfocused, ashen eyes. The captain looked more tired than he did in the morning after a night of cooking and.. _exercise_ at Renji's side.

"I am simply providing help with a matter. It's unimportant," the smooth reply came. Shutting his tired eyes, Byakuya struggled to keep his almost empty stomach calm before throwing up.. again. He felt nauseated and having skipped lunch to visit the scientist hadn't been pleasant at all. Rikichi had delivered a late lunch after their return but the noble had been unable to have more than a few bites.. which his body seemed to reject for the past few hours.

"Okay.. Are you feeling alright? You don't look so well," Renji finally spoke his worry out-loud. Byakuya opened his eyes and tiredly glanced up at the redhead standing in front of the small coffee table.

"I'll be fine after a good night's rest, Abarai. There's nothing to worry about. Let's go visit Mayuri. After that, we'll go to the estate and rest. I want to see Taki-chan before he turns to sleep. Masaki-san promised to make sure he would sleep earlier tonight, to recover from last night."

"Sure. After you, captain," Renji waited for the noble to stand and walk ahead, looking suspiciously at every detail. It was a strange day, and it wasn't because he'd just returned to work.

Something felt off.

- }-{ -

As soon as they reached home around eight o'clock, they changed and had dinner with Taki. The boy had excitedly presented chef Takeru Takeo's version of a pizza with the remaining dough, having cooked it together during the afternoon. Although more than half of it was already gone due to Taki's 'tastings' together with the younger servants and the cook himself, they were both grateful to each have a small piece of pizza saved for them. It was about the only thing Byakuya ate, contrary to Renji who ate like there was no tomorrow.

Byakuya forced himself to act like he was in top shape, trying desperately to not let his mask crack. He fought against the nauseating feelings in the pit of his stomach and the top of his throat. He didn't want to worry those at home, nor Renji who already seemed to keep an eye out on him. The lieutenant was as subtle as a rhinoceros in Rukia's earlier drawings, Byakuya realized, the amusing image making him smile softly as he shortly glanced over to the young man.

The sixth squad's second-in-command continued to observe the noble as he seemed to brighten up slightly in the presence of his son, looking less tired and more energetic. As soon as they'd stepped in through the estate's gates, the man tried to make it look like he was fine. The captain had more than a century of experience at keeping an emotionless mask on, so of course he could do it, Renji mussed over in his mind.

Unable to stop himself from liking this father-like version of the captain, Renji watched his superior talk and laugh softly with the miniature sized Kuchiki. It was easier to ignore his past wrong-doings about Rukia like this, Renji found himself whispering in a private corner of his mind. His eyes stayed glued to the captain's and the young child's interactions, making him smile.

After a short time spent in the living-room with coffee, juice and toys, Masaki came to lead Taki to his room and make sure he would work on his tutor's homework for an hour before sleep. The old woman picked the boy up from the redhead's shoulders where he'd somehow climbed, tugging at the pineapple-looking, burgundy-colored ponytail.

Two young girls announced the baths were ready in their private quarters. After they left, giggling at the sight of the playful child, the master of the house and his lieutenant walked up the stairs, following Masaki and Taki. They wished them both good-night and walked further silently to their rooms down the hall. Renji had stopped trying to talk to his superior, fully aware that he must be feeling ill, returning to his tired self once the child couldn't see him anymore. The captain had never looked so bad, despite the fact that he tried to hide it. It couldn't be more obvious.. His form wasn't as straight and elegant as usual. His eyes shimmered tiredly. Darkened lines had reappeared subtly below short eyelashes, and the corners of his pale lips pointed down. Add to that a very tightly clenched jaw, and the signs couldn't be more obvious.

Abarai reluctantly entered his own room after the captain closed his door and disappeared inside without another word.

Looking behind him, the young redhead sighed.

He had hoped to spend another night with the captain. Perhaps Byakuya felt sick because of the night spent with him? Renji couldn't help but consider the possibility that he had tired him out.. On the other side, it seemed impossible. If it hadn't happened the first time they were together, when they were.. _not_ very gentle and quiet, then this time it wasn't even remotely possible. The night before had been too gentle and pleasant for that to have happened. He had been more careful after his drunken memories had returned and he'd been given another chance to make it right.

Without even a hint at a subtle invite like the night before, the lieutenant retreated in the warm space of his room where he undressed. He'd pleasantly noticed the young servants had set the fire in the room's fireplace. With enough light from it, the young man didn't bother lighting more candles on the way to the bathroom. Of course, the house had electricity just like the rest of Seireitei but candles helped bring a more relaxing atmosphere to the home and it was usually preferred in traditional homes like the Kuchiki's.

He would make sure to visit the tired raven-haired captain later and.. _just_ make sure he was alright, Renji thought after he undressed and slowly dipped in the warm foamy liquid smelling like soothing lavender. A small smile sneaked onto his mouth as he imagined himself later holding the lithe-framed man beneath the warm quilt.

Renji had decided to focus on the good parts since he'd woken at the noble's side, long before the raven-haired male had woken up and ran away. He'd watched him sleep for a while then had sank back into his large, white pillow. He'd later woken up alone and been ignored for the rest of the morning, but he still stood determined to try and forget the pain and hurt both of them were going through. Enough was enough. It was time to change, even if it didn't come so easy as in the past. Too much time had been wasted on hatred. Hating both himself and the noble had to end.

- }-{ -

Byakuya felt his power disappear from his limbs as soon as he entered in the privacy of his own room. His kosode sleeves shuffled as he powerlessly rotated the knob and rested his back on the door's wooden frame. Weak knees bent and he almost fell to the floor when he truly realized he didn't have any strength left. The earlier second shot of the vulgar acid was starting to take its toll.

Before strength left him completely, he slowly and ghostly walked towards the softly-lit bathroom. The soft creamy tones on the wall reflected on the smooth tiles, making the room shine strongly with just a few thick candles spread around the room.

The noble's lips couldn't help but curl up pleasantly when he saw his second favorite flowers spread over the top of the water, coloring it into a beautiful yellow and grey. Masaki-san sometimes asked the younger servants to fill his bath with some of the most relaxing flowers, and it just happened to be one of those days. She'd also probably noticed his tired state before dinner, when they had arrived, and ordered some to be picked from the southern greenhouse.

The tired captain smiled, seeing the beautiful Hypericum flowers wait for him, floating peacefully. He always felt sorry for the beautiful, delicate flowers being torn just for his sake, but he deeply appreciated being spoiled by his old friend and care-taker. One of these days, he should find a way to repay the old woman for her wonderful and gentle care, Byakuya decided. He loved the spicy tinge of their smell as they spread around the pure water, expecting him to indulge in their soft touches and aroma. How he wished that it was still sakura season so he could mix them together..

His focus left the flowers momentarily and, one by one, parts of his black shihakusho fell abandoned to the floor.

Starting with untangling the white obi wrapped around his waist, Byakuya then continued by opening the thin, white himo strings. These held his black hakama pants up. They had been hidden below the obi. Once the hakama fell to the floor, the lithe man started to open his black kosode shirt, following the fate of the dark pants. Now only in a white under-kimono shirt reaching just slightly lower than his hips, the thin material dampened with a thin sheet of sweat from his lower back, he bent down to push off his white, two-toed socks. After getting rid of the tabi socks, Byakuya slowly pushed his under-kimono down his shoulders and let it slide down his pale arms. It soon joined the other pieces of his uniform.

Climbing the two steps leading to his large bathtub, the lithe frame slid down into the warm, soothing liquid.

The relaxing, hot water entered the tiny spores of the captain's skin, allowing a soft sigh of relief to escape his lips. The lithe frame rested against the curvature of the bathtub, slipping lower until only pale, thin arms rested on the sides. Everything below the clavicle drowned in pleasure at the touch of the warm liquid, and rosy mouth opened slightly to breathe in the ghostly steam. The spicy tinge of the flowers entered his nose and slipped deep beneath his chest, feeding his eager lungs as the flowers gently floated around his chest and knees.

As tired, cloudy eyes closed slowly, the noble couldn't help but wonder how these three weeks would end. He couldn't see the experiment possibly result as Mayuri desired. The simple fact seemed unattainable and pure wishful-thinking.. So, that meant that he would probably either die in three weeks or lose the very part of himself that made him who he was now.. And that would happen after enduring weeks of sickening, painful side-effects changing his spiritual body from the deepest core.

What would he do if he were to die, and knew it? Make sure someone good took care of clan business until Taki would be old enough to take his place as clan head? The only solid option seemed to be his grandfather who wasn't interested in taking over but he would do what was required of him. The man had too much honor to try to betray the next in line, unlike others who would gladly betray the child for their own good. Byakuya knew it. He had to write a will the following day, if anything.

What else _would_ he do? What exactly could he do in three weeks while feeling so sick? The next captain in line.. He at least had the ability to name his successor if the man had reached bankai.. Surely, he would name Renji, he thought. Nobody could oppose him on that. Perhaps they could try but he would make sure they wouldn't be successful. Byakuya knew he had to start gathering support for his decision. It would also need to be done soon.

Captain Abarai Renji of the Sixth Squad of the Gotei 13.. He liked the sound of that.. If he had to be replaced, that was the only option he was willing to accept. _He_ was the only one who passed his thoughts.. _Renji_.. The fiery redhead who he could indulge in to forget about the past year and who was so loyal to his friends and squad, that he would spend his life in prison. Nobody else could match that dedication and for him, it was what Squad Six needed.

Things had seemed better since Renji had returned to his side, with or without his sometimes cruel words. It was preferable rather than being alone.. Rather than his mind always rummaging through guilt, pain, shame and sorrow, Byakuya preferred the rare cruel words he knew he deserved if it proved that Renji was still there. The noble had pride in the fact that he was the kind of man to take responsibility on his mistakes. This had been one. If only he could turn back the time to save Rukia and Renji the pain.. as well as himself. At this thought, the raven-haired noble couldn't help but hate himself for being so selfish.

How many things had changed in just one week, Byakuya wondered, just because Renji had returned. Slowly, he clipped off the kenseikan and laid his left arm out of the tub, letting them fall down over the clothes, one piece at a time.

A small smile appeared on needy lips as he remembered the night before.. He had enjoyed it.. too much for his own good, he had concluded, losing himself like that.. feeling loved and wanted.. feeling lust and passion when those beautiful, long fingers traveled down his spine and sneaked behind his neck, pulling him down into hungry kisses.. Yes.. Kuchiki Byakuya couldn't help but wish at least Abarai Renji would forgive him for his stubborn betrayal and neglect.

Yeah, right.. If only reality was ever that soft on anyone. He laughed bitterly at the thought. It was impossible, yet the pure thought of it made him forget the pain in his limbs along with the nausea threateningly perched below his chin.

Byakuya allowed his body to slowly slide down in the bathtub until the back of his head reached the lustrous, ceramic bottom. Soft ink strands of hair floated smoothly above the pair of open eyes reflecting the shimmering light of the soft candles outside the water..

Grey eyes tiredly closed, relief taking over as all thoughts quieted in the humming waves of silence.

The smile never left his lips while the moments grew long deep below the Hypericum infested waters.

* * *

...

Hi!

I really appreciate that you're still here and reading, and I would be really grateful if you would let me know what you thought! It could help me improve, so please take a moment and share your thoughts, good and bad?

I would like to publish my own story one day and I really need to improve my writing a lot to make that happen. If you review, it really helps!

Thank you for reading!


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